You're a latent homo who has married a lesbian. It's so simple, even Cary sort of got it. Just admit it.

Straight men do not wear tight leather pants. They just don't . . . . and any who claim they do are latent homos as well. Women who dress like ugly hippies do not care about their husband being sexually attracted to them. Now run along and pick up a nice twink!

Cary is right and polite.

Cartman is right and rude...but really hilarious about it, so I vote for his response.

Notice the LW never once says how much he loves his wife of 6 years. Never once says boo about worrying if he's hurting her feelings. Never once says how incredibly hot their sex life may be. And never even considers sending back the drink in question...from the GAY BAR, might I add. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

By the way, LW, you might fancy yourself the better dresser, but leather pants? Please. Go smoke some pole and see how it feels. Worse things have happened. Just stop pretending this is all somehow your wife's fault because she has no "style."

I'm a lesbian, and straight men hit on me all the damn time. I don't get freaked out or take offense -- I decline and move on with my life. I'm not offended that they think I'm straight, nor do I try to change my outfits to appear less straight.

Yet for some reason, straight people freak out when a gay person hits on them. "Why does he think I'm gay? Is it my clothes? Is it because I'm devastatingly attractive? Oh no, what do I do?"

Frankly, it's offensive. If it weren't for the social stigma of homosexuality, the LW would not have a problem at all. Imagine he was being hit on by straight women -- would there be a discussion? Would the letter writer wonder if he should try to appear less straight?

So, as Cary said, there is obviously something else going on. For some reason, the LW is fixating on gay men, what gay men think of him, and whether he might appear gay.

Perhaps he secretly finds it erotic. It's possible that the LW is gay, or at least bisexual. Or maybe he just likes to talk about how attractive he is, and that's why he invented this "problem."

Either way, it obviously has nothing to do with his wife's clothes. She might have been annoyed at the bar, but unless she's threatening divorce, there is no reason for either of them to change anything because of this incident. If the whole point of this is that he really just wants her to dress up, he should leave gay men out of it.

What a strange letter.

When asked about metrosexuals, Robert Verdi (of "Fashion Police" and very, very OUT) asked: What do gay men call a metrosexual? GAY!

It's not her dress causing the problem, pal. It's yours. If she dressed up, they'd still ignore the "fish". By dress and action, you look bisexual or as if you are a gay guy out with a straight girlfriend. Actually, if she dressed up, that gay friend of straight women" vibe would be even stronger.

If you want the wife to dress up, ask her. If you don't want gay men to hit on you, DON'T accept their drinks.

The other posters are too funny today.

A friend of mine who claims he's straight said gay men hit on him all the time. So once when this happened to him, to deflect the gay guy's attention he decided to grab a gal pal to sit with him. I laughed because that probably made the gay vibe even stronger. The LW is making it seem that it's his wife's fault gay guys hit on him when it is really something else.

A man dressed like a gay male goes into a gay bar with a woman, accepts a drink from two men seated together, waves at the two men, goes to sit at their table, and the men hit on him.

A. Why is either member of this couple surprised?

B. What on earth does this have to do with the fashion sense of the woman?

I've always found the idea of leather pants funny for some reason. No real reason why--leather pants just seem funny to me.

Now, to the LW:

If you don't want gay men to hit on you, though, you may want to leave the leather at home. Leather pants are a hit with many gay men (so I am told), as is the meticulous level of fashion you seem to subscribe to. (Excuse me while I indulge in some broadly-drawn stereotypes.) Not that there's anything wrong with your look--it's just uncharacteristic of a straight man. Hell, I know straight men who--were it not for funerals, work, and weddings--would never wear a tie or an ironed shirt during their entire lifetime. And really, is it about the clothes? No, it's not about the clothes.

It is, however, about the homosexual subtext that pervades the letter and the description of LW's encounter in the gay bar. He's gung-ho about accepting drinks and attention from gay men, she's reluctant to accept that, and the whole situation smacks of unfulfilled, subconscious desire and longing on the part of LW. Would a little self-reflection kill ya, LW? It ain't your wife who's attracting gay men, and it ain't your wife who's laughing off the encounter as though nothing happened. Cary is right (though cryptic): more is at work here than LW is perhaps willing to be aware of, and both parties here could benefit from reflection and conversation.

Why did the LW pick Cary Tennis for this question? Wouldn't it be a more appropriate question for Dan Savage?

Someone who writes to Cary that I have not a shred of sympathy for! Where the usual mean letters are hilarious and true and entirely called-for. Go, team Salon!

he is gay, gay, gay, gaygaygay. and another thing - he is gay, gay. gay.

I am gay and hang out with my best friend "straight" Rolando at Gay and Straight bars all the time. Rolando is the sexiest son of a bitch you will ever meat. i mean meet. He dresses quite well, knows all about wine, is well spoken, and gorgeous.

Here is the thing, guys look at him when we go to Gay bars - and we have been to many - of course they look at him - but to this day there has never been a time that some guy comes up to him expecting to cop a feel. Rolando is straight and very confortable with everyone. AND to top that off I've never heard men or women in straight or gay bars ask - "is your cute friend gay?" The women throwing themselves at him know he is straight and so do the gays. Actually the women throw themselves at both of us but that is another story. Bottom line you get what you ask for and homey is asking for it because....

He is gay, gay, gaygaygaygay... did i forget to mention that he is GAY, GAY, GAY?

One last thing. If you love your wife first of all stop dissing her and second of all stop hanging at Gay bars. There are probably 40 straight to 2 gay bars in your city. I am sure you can find a confortable place for you and your wife to hang.

I forgot to tell you that this guy is GAY, gay, GAY and also GAYSHA.

Ricky

nyc