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The letter-writer's last paragraph concerns me for the future of his marriage. He writes:
Would a gay guy be less likely to hit on me if my wife were dressed up more and even had makeup on, as opposed to the hippie look that she favors? There is the option of my changing my dress style, but I think that since I was not the one complaining about the incident, I should not be the one to change. Any thoughts?
I always thought marriage is something mutual -- that each member of the couple wants to make the other one happy, and that compromising when feasible is one major way to make this happen.
But despite this, I suspect a gay male is likely to base a guess that another male twenty feet away is gay mainly on that other male's appearance, and to a lesser extent on the other male's visible actions. Why the letter-writer thinks his wife's appearance should be the crux of the matter, I have no idea.
If he really cares about making his wife happy on this issue, he should
a) adjust his dress and perhaps mannerisms to lessen the likelihood of being mistake for gay,
b) avoid milieux that are heavy gay pickup spots,
c) if he and his wife do happen to find themselves in a gay hangout again, perhaps they should act more obviously like a romantic couple (occasional caresses, etc.), and
d) not accept social overtures from gay males without first making it clear that he's not gay.
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(Although this should be nothing to get upset about, I can easily sympathize with the wife's preference that her husband not be mistaken for gay. I'd guess it has nothing to do with homophobia.)
If the letter-writer has any interest in preserving his marriage, however, he will graduate from the juvenile attitude that "It's her problem, so why should I do anything to help."
