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• Monday, March 27, 2006 11:09 AM

  this guy is not gay

  I was really annoyed by Cary's advice this time. Cary seems to be implying (and so do a lot of the people leaving comments) that this guy is gay because he dresses well, hangs in gay bars, and was friendly to gay men while with this wife. Give me a BREAK!

  If anything, this guy seems very confident in his own heterosexuality. Married guys who are hiding thier own homosexuality tend to hate gay men, not be at ease with them.

  I know oodles of very straight men who tend to attract attention from gay men for one reason or another. Some of them handle it well, like this guy (sign of confidence in heterosexuality). Some of them get upset by it (sign of latent gayness).

  And even if this straight guy does enjoy the attention from guys even though he's not attracted to them, why shouldn't he? Straight women are allowed to enjoy a bit of flirtatious attention from men who they are clearly not attracted to, and for that reason are presumed to be off limits - such as older gentlemen. And married men do enjoy being hit on once in a while by women, it's nice for the ego.

  I agree that this guy probably wishes his wife would dress better, and doesn't have the guts to say that to her directly, which is a bit of a communication issue. But he's not gay.

  Cary and the commenters are playing into a form of homophobia - if you hang with gay guys you must be gay too! That's schoolyard level social policing. And the opposite is more likely to be true.

  —Beth
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