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• Monday, March 27, 2006 07:31 AM

  Mister Fancy Pants

  Leather Pants are soooooooo 1999 International Male catalog. And when I read the "M" word (Ends with etrosexual...barf), I knew it was all downhill from there.

  Mr. Fancy Pants needs to check the vibes he's sending out to the gay community. You don't need to be placing blame on gays or your slouchy spousy.

  A few rules. If you're out with your wife, simply don't go to a gay bar. If you must go to a gay bar, don't accept cocktails from gay couples. If you must accept a cocktail (or six), don't invite the gay couple to your table. If you must invite them, don't feign confusion and disapproval when the gay couple flirts with you. Gay couples are sometimes naughty. Some gay couples (mine included) would flirt with a street sign if there was a chance to booze it up and get it into bed for a threesome.

  I'm curious if the letter writer has ever been in a straight bar or club and had the opposite happen to him. He and his wife are sitting at a table and a man (in non-animal hide pants) sends his wife a cocktail assuming the husband is gay.

  Would the wife be allowed to boldly accept the drink, invite the stranger to their table and proceed to be wooed? Would she write Cary and blame the unwarranted attention on her K-Mart sweatpants, the heterosexual community, and her gay-dressed husband? Would she secretly relish the attention?

  Mister Fancy-Pants, woo your wife and the gays won't woo you.

  —Gayest Neil Read Gayest Neil's other letters
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