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...does not mean she dresses that way because she's shy, insecure, has low self-esteem, wants to look like a lesbian, etc.
I have overweening self-confidence and I dress like a frump because it is *comfortable* and I give so little of a shit what other people think of my looks that I cannot be bothered to dress up for their sake. I dress for me and me alone, and what I care about is: does this pinch me, hurt me, impede my walking or discomfort me in any way? Shockingly, it turns out that the kinds of clothes that the beauty world sells us on being attractive are the kinds of clothes that *hurt.* Ever hear "beauty is pain?" Well, who the hell needs pain?
(It's not just women, either. My husband is a well-dressed professional man and just recently got huge blisters on his feet by walking a colleague to his hotel room and then walking back a couple of miles. Nice business shoes for men aren't made for serious walking mileage, either.)
My mom, who is very interested in looking attractive, always accused me of trying to minimize my looks. That is the kind of thing people who care about being attractive say about people who don't, because they can't comprehend not caring. If I was *trying* to minimize my looks, it would mean I care one way or another. I don't *try* to minimize my looks, I just don't *think* about them when I pick out my clothes. I have more important things to worry about. I suspect the LW's wife does too.
That being said, I hope she recognizes the assholiness of her husband and ditches his ass. This entire letter reminds me of the relationship between me and my ex, except taken to an absurd degree (he never actually flirted with men I didn't *know* in front of me... only women. The men he flirted with, I knew already.)
