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Read other letters about this article
I must agree with Cary here, as well as some of the other letters:
Therapy, with the goal of self-love, and understanding which will gradually change your behavior, is a good solution.
You've made huge strides towards understanding your emotional patterns, give yourself credit for all that hard work. And you've shown empathy in your understanding of your boyfriend's ways, which is really great.
For friends who are new to therapy, I give them this advice: It will take time. You will need to work at it. There will be times where the sessions leave you pained, crying, emotional, you may want to quit because it hurts too much, but it is worth it, you have to work through those issues of yours, and on the other side you can see things clearly. At the start, try and visit a few therapists, choosing someone who you can talk to, who will help you recognize your behaviors and to see emotional meaning in the way others behave.
My partner was burned by an overly needy ex, and I learned early on that I could not place all my neediness on him, he resisted, protecting himself (rightly). That resonated in therapy, and I realized that I could spread my neediness around to my close friends, my partner, my therapist, and myself. And with practice, that neediness grew to be less. And those friends, and my partner could also lean on me, and we could find some sort of balance in the chaos.
