When a friend's child started having developmental issues, she started investigating autism and other disorders on that spectrum. I figured that as a friend of this family, I needed to do some of my own research so that I could be a better friend. My friend has concluded that her child is definitely not autistic but may have some degree of Aspergers Syndrome and some sensory integration issues. My friend's family did a couple of things: started working with a therapist who is helping with the sensory integration, and made some dietary changes (her kid has lots of allergies and now eats what many think of as a celiac's diet -- no wheat, dairy, corn, or peanuts) that made an immediate and visible difference in his behavior.

Also, I recommend that anyone with an interest in this topic read the book The Boy Who Loved Windows: Healing the Heart and Mind of a Child Threatened by Autism. The author, Patricia Stacey, is so honest about her experiences and her feelings about them, and I found her perspective on the possible causes and contributors to everything from autism to sensory integration disorders incredibly eye-opening.

After reading Stacey's book, I felt for the first time I could see how we are all on a continuum of abilities. I found I could understand my friend's child's abilities and intolerances better after reading Stacey's story because of my own intolerances (getting distressed easily when trying to talk with with people in a loud, chaotic setting, for example, although music, even at high volume, helps me feel calmer, more organized). Stacey's commitment to her son was also humbling; I don't know whether I could have risen to the occasion the way she did, spending hours of "floor time" daily with her child, an intensive form of play recommended by their therapist, Stanley Greenspan. But if I felt, as Stacey did about her son, that it would help my child break out of an inability to communicate and interact to become a highly functioning person, I probably would find the inner resources to do the same.

I wish this family all the best in their journey.

to be you.

Not the parents of this wonderful child.

I mean the previous writer defending the person who suggested the LW put their daughter up for adoption. Talk about a true Narcissist...see how that type runs to defend itself?

All the more reason for either of them (I think it's the same person) to ever be a parent.

P,S,--I loved the idea of being a parent before I chose to become a mother of 1, let alone 3. "Brainwashed" is what you are, you sad, pathetic, lonely person. Bow be gone.

proud mother of 3 -

Please spare us the diatribe on how wonderful motherhood is - can't you just accept that some people don't agree with you? Just because LeCastor wants to party and good off doesn't mean she is selfish or shallow - she is just different from you. (I think she was actually responding to the post about the fetus being a actual parasite, not to the autistic letter)

Why do some parents feel a need to attack others who don't share their overweening love of kids? What difference does it make to you, really?

Besides, considering that your fierce maternal attitude was probably caused by your being literally brainwashed by hormones during pregnancy, why should anyone listen? (it's true, check the latest science) Calm down - you are giving other mothers a bad name.

Thanks to Anne M for pointing out that it is perfectly natural and okay to feel anger and disappointment and grief when your baby or child is found to have a serious disability or illness.

Sure, all of us are wonderful in our own way, but the truth is that disabled or handicapped or seriously ill babies or children take a huge level of care and attention for a very long time, substantially beyond the average parental investment (which is already major) plus it can take a serious toll on other siblings - and there is no shame in being sad and angry or resentful about it. It can overwhelm you and others easily, especially if you pour every second in to caring for them while ignoring your own needs.

I wish all the best to this family, and hope that the mother and father take time to allow themselves the important healthy steps of being angry, being disappointed, being sad, and being honest with themselves about their feelings and what may be ahead. (counseling may be helpful to deal with the negative feelings and sadness, of course) If they do that, they will probably be in a much better position to move forward and deal with this challenge successfully...in whatever manner seems best.

It doesn’t seem laughable that you would try to produce art in your little workshop, in this form. Many creative people feel the limits of their chosen media. As an architect, I rely on the whims, the budgets, the dubious design sense of my clients. I am limited by the skill of my contractors and their craftsmen. I abide by building codes. I work around the structure, the plumbing, the air conditioning. Not the lofty stuff of which Art is made. I read a beautiful essay by Octavio Paz called “Towards an Understanding of Craft” (published in the book Convergences: Essays on Art and Literature), which tweaked the way I looked at these things.

Paz speaks to the joy of the ceramic bowl, the well made spoon. These simple things he calls “craft,” these things which are both Useful and Beautiful. Much of the beauty lies in the utility – the way the spoon fits in your hand, how it holds a perfect mouthful of soup, how it is easily cleaned. So I take pleasure in creating the room with windows on two sides, the low wall that one can sit on or keep plants on, in fitting a closet and bookshelf under a stair. Alas, I am humble! Years ago, I designed and built a table. I like when there is a bar under the table where you can rest your feet, so I built a bar under my table. At a dinner party, with friends around my table, I looked down and everyone had a foot on the bar under the table. And I smiled.

Could you be happy if your work is Useful and Beautiful? You may think it is too Humble. But remember that perceptions of these things change. Things like antique pottery and paintings by former slaves are humble in their origins, yet now they are displayed in museums.

And to the parents reading this:

I second the suggestion to vaccinate your children. Cosmic Mojo is again a voice of reason.