Letters to the Editor
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I Could Have Been Her.......
Oh my, I could have written that letter myself 20 years ago when I was young and selfish and short-sighted (and, not surprisingly, had very few real friends). Fortunately I married a man who taught me how to truly be a friend.
The first time my BF (now husband) scrapped our plans to come to the aid of a friend I was hurt and upset and thought my BF had boundary problems and that the friend's problem was no big deal.
BUT, thank heaven, at the same time I had enough awareness to realize that if my BF would be willing to rescue a friend on short notice without a thought for his own inconvenience he might, just MIGHT, be someone worth seriously considering for the long term. That he might be just as willing to put my needs above his own no matter how unreasonable they might seem. That this was someone I could truly trust and count on.
Not long ago my husband got a phone call from a bay area friend he had not heard from in over 15 years who badly needed a weekend retreat in order to get his life together. This time I was able to say, "Of course-- tell him he's welcome" even though the guy was a totally narcissitic pain in the ass and disrupted our entire weekend.
So what? It was still the right thing to do even though my weekend was "ruined."
I just hope the LW grows up. The art of friendship has to be learned by some of us, but it's a worthy lesson.