Letters to the Editor
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This problem is my problem too
Wow...I am in the same boat. I think Mr. Tennis' advice is excellent, with this suggestion of my own (without knowing this person's particular details):
Maybe not jump into bed right away with a guy..let the friendship part develop for a month or two after revealing your concern about sex to him and see what happens. I think that this is what has happened to me. I am 43 years old.. While I had a high sex drive in my 20s and 30s, throughout dating and two marriages (yikes..) I think the fact that I perhaps allowed sex to become an 'expected' end of the date treat diminished the experience for me over the years. I have never done drugs but the analogy I use is that the high I used to get doesn't do it for me anymore..
Good luck..
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seems simple to me
she's picking the wrong men.
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Questions I have
Like some others have intimated, I can't tell whether the LW has lost interest in sex with men or has also lost interest in sexual feelings. If there is no desire for an orgasm then neither a man nor a vibrator will have any sexual meaning for her.
I also wonder whether the LW would be happy if she could find a man who was just like her and treated her well, and flirted a bit, but also had no interest in sex after the undressing part. Or is the thrill for her in being chased by different men.
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Sadly, the LW
is an attention whore. Many exist and equally useless.
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toxic bachelorette
It seems like many recent letters to this column reflect a sort of sea change in an "advice" column. My memories of letters to Ann Landers and such were that writers asked about how to negotiate interpersonal relations, what we used to call "etiquette", how to treat other people as they would like to be treated. But in letter after letter the response (though Cary soldiers on bravely) might as well be "You have deep psychological problems, and would be well advised to seek professional help", something which the LWs seem to have no inkling of. Have they never heard this from friends, family, relatives? Did they tune it out? or have their dear ones given up? or perhaps they have moved to some other city and are out of contact?
I searched in this letter for some sense that the LW had ever been in a long-term relationship, or even wanted one. 45 seems old to be dating, dating, dating and coupling, coupling, coupling without some idea of commitment, friendship, love. Maybe the ennui she is feeling in sex from comes this pointless, directionless absence of true romance? Who would want to continue like this? the problem here goes much deeper than libido.
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Get an Eroscillator....
That's my advice...
And if things get dull with the dude du jour, whipping out that puppy will solve all your woes...
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Sex drive....
Cary, I don't know what to believe. It said in a previous post that your lost your sex drive due to celexa. And, in some you mention your husband, and in others you mention your boyfried, and yet in others, you are dating just whoever. Hmmmm. It sounds to me that you are just in a major funk of depression. Call someone or see someone. That's it...no sugar on top, no "oh I will pray for you" and all that....just that....call someone or see someone about your depression. It's pretty simple.
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Gimme' one large break
This is either another woman-without-a-clue letter or a fraud. Either way, there's no chance I'll renew my subscription to Salon. Sweetheart, if you don't like having sex, don't have sex, and spare the rest of us the play by play of your recent dates. No one cares.
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ANOTHER LESBIAN WHO USES MEN
betcha she loves the free dinners too.
spare the men around you. get some cats and a girlfriend.
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She is a narcissist
...Oh yes she is! The whole letter is about what she gets out of it, the thrill of the chase, the drama, the attention she gets, on and on. It's really very immature, kind of adolescent. People with a healthy sex drive have at least some degree of focus on the OTHER person, and enjoy giving pleasure (not out of altruism, but in a "it turns me on to see you so turned on" way). No hint of any long-term relationships, even family or friends. She has problems. If someone truly has no interest in the opposite sex, whatever. If someone has physical, pharmacological, or relationship issues affecting their sex life, my heart goes out. But the way she is an attention slut, yet kind of bragging that her tastes are too refined to do the nasty bugs the crap outta me.
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I agree...
I agree about 50-60% that this letter could be a fake. I am sorry Cary, I don't believe YOU think they are fake, but I think many of the letters you've been getting lately could very likely be fake. However, I'm not sure about this one. A clue is that the person said many men her age are getting dumpy. For one thing it's not true...men in their mid-30's are not dumpy! For another thing, it sounds to me like it could be someone's idea of a good topic to start a flamefest on Salon.
I agree with farafield...this woman must never have been "in love" as far as the (excuse me this might sound lame to some of the cutting-edge people) hugging, snuggling kind. For one thing, like farafield says, when there's true affection a woman isn't that critical of a little physical imperfection. For another thing, if you love a man, you realize he needs that, and you want to give it to him to keep him either happy or from being frustrated or hurting his self-esteem (in a real ongoing established affectionate relationship I mean)
Real relationships are about far more than the initial electric excitement and I agree with those who say this woman doesn't seem to have ever gotten that far in a relationship to have had the affection part? I could be wrong. Also, this letter-writer doesn't say whether she enjoys hugging, cuddling, etc. Has she ever had that? It sounds to me like someone with very little experience of the affection part of relationships, for whatever reason. Does she even daydream about an affectionate lover, or do her daydreams stop at the makeout-kiss part?
If this letter is real and this woman has never had an affectionate lover whose affection either put her in mind to give him what means "affection" to him, or made the intercourse part enjoyable for the closeness part, and took the "animal bodies" part to a higher plane due to the affection shared at that moment, here's my excellent prescription: a Latin lover!!!!!!! can I get a witness girls?