I can only add, from an outsider's perspective, the hope that you will be able to find strength in knowing that the kind of intellectual struggle you are going through is a proud and vital process, one that we in this nation ought to commend, as reason, not faith, is the bulwark of democracy.

If you believe this much in reason, Cary, then I think you should prove it by handing your column over to a scientist.

After being raised Lutheran, I was active in church in every community I lived. By the time I was in my middle thirties, however, religion became less and less appealing to me and for several decades I resisted my wife's desire to be involved in a congreation. A couple of years ago we found a great congregation of the Unitarian Universalist faith. It has all of the congregational life that I missed and none of the doctrines, myths, and creeds that I found meaningless.

The UU church has a rich tradition dating back hundreds of years and many notables of our American history have been part this great faith. Go to uua.org for more info.

Dear Missing,

There is a place for you, where agnostics are welcome and worship still uplifts. It confuses some and others find it easy to mock, but I have found the Unitarian Universalist denomination a loving and respectful community for over 20 years. And its history is surprising and inspiring.

Visit www.uua.org and read the Purposes and Principles. There are links to sermons and readings. You can also find a nearby congregation if you're interested. You will find many lapsed or "ex" or transformed Christians there, as well as people with many other religious histories.

A fine book about UUism is A Chosen Faith.

Good luck to you, you would be very welcome--and you are not alone.

Cary Tennis wrote that "reason, not faith, is the bulwark of democracy." Not so. We are giving our assent to a statement of faith whenever we agree with the statement - "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." After all, there's nothing in nature, reason or science which says anything about equality and rights. Indeed, there's far more of exploitation than liberty in the history of mankind. These "truths" may have been self-evident to Jefferson and the founders. But, they were acting on faith in the same way that religous people do when affirming their belief in God.

This circular logic you mention is at least rooted in a rich history. It was good enough for Pascal, no?

(On second thought, I suppose it wasn't really good enough, but still...you see my point.)

Patricia Schwartz writes, "If you believe this much in reason, Cary, then I think you should prove it by handing your column over to a scientist."

Only if he believes that scientists have a monopoly on reason, which they certainly do not.

does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. The lightbulb has to find its own path.

Gorsh, I just crack me up.

I was a strong, vocal Christian for several years, and my closest friend was a woman from my church. We used to pray together, attend church several times a week together. I loved having that closeness with her. Then eventually I realized that I no longer believed what I was praying -- I feel that I have lost my faith in Christianity, but I'm not certain enough to claim atheism or agnosticism. I just know that I am not a Christian anymore, and I need to find my own truths for myself.

Since this realization, I have drifted apart from my Christian friend without explaining myself. I know she would be devastated, and that she would take it upon herself to save me. I know because I've seen her try to save other people -- She would pray about it and decide that God was telling her to keep trying to save me (because God never seems to tell prayers to let non-believers be.) I don't know how to deal with it, so I haven't dealt with my friend. She must be hurt by my distance -- I wish I had the courage to tell her the truth, but I feel like it would only hurt her more.

I wish I didn't have to tell anyone what I believe. What I dread most is having to talk about it. I don't feel any need to announce myself, because I don't want to be a loud atheist or a defensive ex-Christian. I just want to be left in peace with my own thoughts about this very personal matter.

I wish I had better advice, but as Cary pointed out, you are not alone -- many, many people have gone through this.

"If you accept and practice Christianity and it is false you have essentially lost nothing. If you reject Christianity and it is true, then you have lost everything." -- argument.

This is essentially Pascal's wager: an argument not for god's existence, but for why you should believe in God even if you can't prove that God exists. However, even if it doesn't presu[pposed god's existence -- it does presuppose that if god does exist, he is a particular type of god. One who rewards blind faith in him -- and penalizes skepticism. But whose to say that god - if indeed he does exist -- doesn't reward skepticism, and penalize blind faith. The argument might just as cohernently go in reverse:

"If you accept and practice agnosticism and God does exist you have essentially lost nothing. If you reject agnosticism and it is true, then you have lost everything."

It seems to me that if god is all knowing - then he should know why we might be skeptical of his existence. Based on this simple precepet of Christianity - than I would argue that even given christian principles, this is as likely a possibility as the reverse. That said, neither argument really gets us anywhere.