I can't believe the posters on this subject who recommend divorce just because the LW had a question for Cary about his wife's shaving her legs. I am not married granted, but I presume there are lots of issues that come up in marriage that must be discussed, dealt with, compromised etc. The comments from those coming down on divorce seem irrational and heavy-handed - but maybe you are just projecting your own insecurities onto the issue.

And lastly, shaving is not always a political issue. It's a pain to shave every day. The LW's wife may just not feel like it.

Ignore Cary, he's a pussy-whipped white college boy. Anyone who would have you undergo political reeducation by reading about the history of leg shaving (!) when the issue is sexual desire is about as stupid as an evangelical who tells homosexuals to go study the Bible until they can "think normal".

Face it. Your wife does not care if you desire her or not. She does not care if you initiate sex. She does not care for your touch or for your affection. The handwriting is on the wall. The no leg shaving is just a typical passive-aggressive pretext. Bet on it. She is trying to tell you that in a common female passive-agressive manner because she lacks the guts to be direct.

So what are YOU going to do?

Perhaps she has matured to where she defines herself through her accomplishments, kindness, love, mind and heart rather than her physical appearance. Rather then be shackled by superficial definitions of beauty, she has come to value herself through other more important qualities. She has evolved to realize she is a beautiful woman because of her heart, not her legs. I don't have to shave my legs anymore to feel sexy! I *am* beautiful and sexy because of what's inside, not outside.

Ah, why do I work at home and flip through angry letters on a matter probably published as a light contrast to something more serious?

No one has wondered why a person's sexual attraction to someone would wane just because her legs are hairy. And it's not such an odd question. What is inherently feminine or sexy about smooth legs? I shave my legs in the summer because there is something about the sight of my hairy legs with a skirt than annoys me. It's purely aesthetic. But the rest of the year I don't, and never have. It's not a big deal or a statement. I prefer the feel of my legs au naturelle. I absolutely loathe the feel of stubble, which is what you're left with if you don't shave, say, every couple of days. My husband has never said anything about it. In fact, the only comment that has ever crossed us on this topic is my asking him why the hell he shaves his underarms, which he does every now and then. He says he prefers it, because it smells better. My friends, you learn to live with it.

As a married person it makes me very nervous to read a letter like this. Barring some major medical condition - if this woman’s husband likes her to shave her legs, than she needs to do it, period! The point is not whether she likes to do it or not, as a married person you have certain responsibilities to your spouse. The idea that spending 15-20 minutes per week is some overwhelming burden is ridiculous. If her husband’s happiness is not worth 20 minutes per week, this marriage will not last. I think the writer is foolish for suggesting this is not a deal-breaking issue - it’s not about the leg shaving, its about her not caring about her husbands feelings and not taking the responsibilities of marriage seriously.

Please do the world a favor and do not have kids!!!

I don't particularly like shaving my legs either. It's a pain, sometimes painful, time consuming, and the minute a cold blast of air enters the room, that nice smooth skin is all gone.

But sometimes, when you commit to a serious relationship with someone, you do things you don't like just to make the other person happy. Surely there are things that the husband would rather not do but he does them anyway because it makes his wife happy. I do not think it's unreasonable to ask that she shave or wax or whatever occasionally just to make him happy.

Marriage is all about compromise. He's not asking her to change some fundamental aspect of her personality, to spend all her time walking around in a negligee, to stay home and bake cookies, even to dye her hair a shade he prefers.

Obviously this couple needs to have a serious conversation. Perhaps she doesn't realize how much this bothers her husband. He should tell her what he told Cary - that it's affecting his desire and that he's worried that she no longer cares about him enough to do this simple thing. If she still refuses to do it and refuses to consider his point of view, then there's some deeper problem here that needs to be addressed.

What's the big deal about shaving your legs every couple of days? Would the wife be happy if her husband stopped using deodorant because he just didn't feel like it? Probably not, and it would probably kill her interest in him. Everybody has their "thing" and his thing is smooth legs. Big deal.

Speaking for myself, I hate shaving my legs. If I shave more than once a week I usually get razor burn like nobody's business (and to the fella who said that beard hair is thicker than leg hair, please consider that not every woman is a nordic blonde with silken cobweb hair follicles!) But, I learned to loofah after shaving and I did it because it made the boy happy. I also wear my hair long, when it would probably be much easier to just hack it off at the chin. You know what he did? He shaved his face because stubble hurts me (I am a delicate flower). He switched to those boxer-briefs because I like the way they look. He bought a bunch of cute t-shirts from the Gap because I commented once on how hot he looked in one of them.

Sometimes it's OK to do things for no reason other than they make the person you love happy. You're not caving into "the patriarchy", you're not selling out your feminist soul, you just do something that he likes because he's your honey and you want to get a squeeze from him.

Jeez.