You are caterwauling about your man's selfishness? He has already agreed to the arrangement required by your previous mating... now when he interviews for a job that is inconvenient for you, you question his motives? Sounds like the unconditional love needs to come from you, not him. You've made it abundantly clear to the man that you don't care about him unless it is convenient for you.

Kids move all the time, often to their benefit. It's one of the results of divorce. You want your man to beg to take you along? A perfect example of the expectant female attitude in the U.S. Dude gets a great job opportunity, and you punish him because you aren't the his top priority.

Move along, as you did before when it didn't suit you. Figure out your priorities, then live them. Your priority is your kid and your ex-husband. Goody for you. Don't begrudge the rest of the world their lives because you were too busy to practice birth control.

What is with the advice columnist? A similarly aging chick, I would guess?

Kids who the x starting shitting out are NOT extended family. What a crock of shit.

What a horrible, mean-spirited attitude. Why blame children or babies for adults' wrongs? What kind of adult likens any baby to "shit"? "Bully" is just not a strong enough word.

And yes, if they are the half-brothers or half-sisters of a step-daughter, they are extended family. You don't have to like them, you don't have to hang around with them, but you should respect their humanity and their place in the step-daughter's life. Rule No. 1 of divorce is to make sure that the adults' poison, no matter how awful, does not infect the kids. It seems here that certain people would love to poison the kids just to pursue their own vendettas.

In the LW's story there seems to be something missing-- namely an honest, non-confrontational conversation with her boyfriend about what he is thinking about their future.

If he makes a choice to move away for his career with no expectation that she can/will follow, he might be trying to dump her, passive-aggressive style. He also might not be thinking that far into the future, he's just investigating his career options. But the fact that he is considering leaving her of his own volition isn't a subtle message, it's not as though he is being transferred. But the fact that she doesn't seem to know what he is really thinking one way or another speaks volumes.

Overall it does seem like they're at an impasse. It might be as simple as that. Respecting her child and its relationship to their dad, she wants to stay put. He wants to go somewhere else, to pursue another path, but knows she won't/can't go with him. But she doesn't seem to know if he really wants to do it with or without her.

A few words to the people who think they're not already a family-- they are. They own a house together, he plays the role of stepfather, that is a commitment with or without a license or ceremony. She makes no mention of wanting marriage, not everyone thinks that marriage is the end-all, be-all. People can leave marriages the same way they leave other committed relationships.

As for demonizing her, I think she's already trying to do what is best, to come to terms with a major change in her life, and she knows what is the right choice but doesn't understand how he could just leave voluntarily for a potential new career. Let the poor woman work it out. That is why she is writing for advice, for pete's sake. Take your rage against all women elsewhere, cretins.

In these situations the courts should take children away from parents who even think about doing such selfish, delusional things. LW should hand her daughter (that she seems to regard as a mere chess piece) over to her ex so he can have full custody.

Well, gosh, why stop there? Why not just tie up the LW and put her in front of a firing squad, without a blindfold, and make her watch as they all simultaneously shoot her in the head? After all, she actually had the temerity to think about relocating to another city. Doesn't matter if she'd actually ever do it or not, the daughter would obviously be better off with her mother dead than even momentarily selfish. Right?

Reading things like this makes me so happy I never had kids. Once you do, you're presumed to have absolutely no rights of your own, not even to feelings.

...does not infect the kids."

Sorry, but you're confused. My husband's ex is the one "infecting" and "poisioning" the kids with her lies and hateful attitude. I've watched this ridiculous circus unfold from the sidelines for five years and have seen the steady forced alienation of affection perpetuated by this evil woman. Again, what kind of parent even *thinks* about removing children from the vacinity of the other parent? A very sad, insecure and selfish one, apparently. Odd that you are ignoring the real issue here, which is the welfare of the LW's daughter, and instead would rather attack me for my choice of language, crass as it may be.

Pregnancy and birth was the ex's choice, nobody else's. Her choice to continue to breed has no bearing on me or my life. Furthermore, once my step-kids are grown the interaction with my husband's ex and her offspring will be VERY few and far between, so it's hardly worth debating.

So she has a young daughter - this board seems to be saying she is some kind of selfless whore if she doesn't go without sex or relationships for the next ten years for her daughter - which a good mother would. So how come no one is suggesting the father also go without during this growing period of his daughter??? If the single father was the custodial parent - would we be hearing this have no relationships crap??? Honestly - its not normal to be alone without adult company - it will make her insane and horny - do you really think that will make her daughters life better or worse, much less teach the kid about the values of relationships and her own values, if she sees that she has to sacrifice that much for her kids, she probably will never have any.

But of course how could I forget, single dads have sex drives, its natural, but if a single mom does she is a slut.

Would you all be so nasty, if the dad had custody and had to move for his job - say his company was bought out?? Not so unusual, you'd understand - but women are never free from the claims of husbands (even ex) and children - it’s an ownership/territorial thing. This is the most sexist letter list, I've seen in a long time - and I bet most the folks saying this woman should do without are pretty liberal, and didn't think about what they were saying, completely oblivious to the gender bias views.

As for this particular woman, I'd say - he is trying to dump you nicely,

let him go, be more picky next time.