I agree with Cary's well-put advice.

When did we start thinking that every love relationship must necessarily be an all-encompassing, passionate epic to be genuine or valuable? That a live-in boyfriend/girlfriend set up, even a house-ownership-sharing one, means a lifelong commitment has been made?

Many of us have entered live-in situations with persons that we knew we loved, but did not necessarily picture ourselves being committed to for the rest of our lives - spending a pleasant few years with them, then moving on when it fizzles out or circumstances require some kind of shift. Sometimes it's just a comfortable thing for the present; genuinely love, but not Big Lasting Love - so what?

It is not fair to demonize this guy just because he may not have felt the same kind of love that she seems to, or because he may value his career dream more than staying with her and her child (who already has a father) somewhere that his chosen career can't flower.

It seems likely that the boyfriend does 'love' her, but it also sounds like a comfortable sort of thing, from the way she describes it. (as Cary puts it, he doesn't love her 'enough') Considering the lack of real commitment obligations in the form of marriage or joint parenthood, you would think she would be thrilled for his opportunity of pursuing his passions, more than concerned for herself and whether she is still going to be in his life -

or wanting him to stay where his career would be stifled just out of love for her. That kind of sacrifice would kill any but the strongest of loves anyway.

It would probably be a good idea to accept the possibility that this relationship was great, but not meant to last - and that, if you are willing, the 'ambiguity' of him moving off alone would be a good test of what is really between you. Let it go. See what happens. It's not a good time for you to move, and expecting him to stay is unfair. Since you have only been together a few years, and your child already has a good father, it is probably best that any break happen now before your child grows any more attached to him.

The LW HAS considered the fact that her daughter's father lives close by, and it's a huge factor in her wanting to stay. I mean, hey, don't let actual statements get in the way of your hatred of your ex-wife, and all women by extension, but just know that you're completely off-base.

It seems you're just chanting your mantra, which boils down to:

1. Marriage = commitment, non-marriage = no commitment

2. Career must come first, end of story.

3. Single mothers "are kryptonite"

4. Writing for online advice that nutjobs do.

Could you bother to back these things up and explain why you think these things, rather than just saying them over and over again.

PS If online advice is so pathetic, why are you bothering to reply to this forum?

This is a decent, honorable, not-too-painful way to end a relationship that apparently had run its course. (P.S. - The "He's Just Not That Into You" advice was perfect.)

Better to end it now, this way, than to have to do so after uprooting or making the mistake of marrying or doing anything serious like that.

Certainly, the mother is right to put her child's welfare first. And certainly, the BF needs to concentrate on his career. This sounds like a no-fault breakup.

A side note - I'm a single mom. I go out on occasional dates, but I just can't imagine summoning the energy to care about this boyfriend-girlfriend-romance stuff. I feel like that should just not be part of my life for now. My attitude toward it, for now, is BLEECH! Others are different, I realize. I'm not being judgmental.

My husband's ex moved and took their two children with her because she is immature, self-absorbed and spiteful. It's been nearly five years since she did this and there are still times I cannot console my husband from the pain he feels from not being near his children every day. They do visit monthly and spend time with us in the summer, but it's *not* the same as living near both parents and being able to see their dad whenever they want to. My husband was a loving, involved, stable father, who split the parenting time with his ex 50/50, and it was all taken away from him because his ex is a selfish, unenlightened gold-digger. She claimed she wanted to get a *thrid* advanced degree in a field that she said would earn her a lot more money living there than she could earn living here. To make matters worse, her boyfriend lived in the city she wanted to move to, so she manipulated him and solidified her maneuver by getting him to marry her before she even had permission from the judge to move there. The judge saw this as a reason to let her go and take the kids. Bottom line, fathers have NO rights in this country. (Biological mothers practically have to be confirmed heroin addicts or prostitutes to have custody taken away from them.)

Cut to nearly five years later: she, the kids, and her husband have moved residences four times (for two years they all lived with his parents in their basement), she isn't using her advanced degree in midwifery (still working the graveyard shift changing poopy diapers in the baby ward) and has since started sh*tting out new offspring with her current husband. Oh, and sometimes she keeps my husband's 13 year old daughter home from the expensive private school my husband pays half for, in order for his daughter to babysit said offspring. How f*cking stable and responsible is that?

It is beyond my comprehension how ANY divorced parent could even consider, for one second, moving children away from the other parent, esp. when that other parent is loving and involved, as this LW claims her ex to be.

In these situations the courts should take children away from parents who even think about doing such selfish, delusional things. LW should hand her daughter (that she seems to regard as a mere chess piece) over to her ex so he can have full custody. Obviously, she is not capable of raising a child, which takes many, many years of sacrifice.

Sorry for being so hard on the LW, but I have seen firsthand what this kind of insecure and sleazy behavior does to children as well as the effect it has on the parent who is "left behind."