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I hear your pain. It feels as if he (whom you love), doesn't love you enough. And that just isn't a feeling anyone wants to have. Maybe he isn't choosing between you and his career. It sounds like he does want to have both you and career in his life -- he's just not Begging you to go with him. Must he beg? Would you feel more loved if this man begged? Perhaps his personality or history has made him sensitive to begging in a relationship, and he, like you, is trying to protect himself from hurt (or perceived, vague, possible hurt). Talk to him, or show him the letter you wrote Cary. Let him know how scared you are. If he can also be a good father, and wants to be, then would it really inflict everlasting psychological damage on your child to move? It would be a sacrifice to try to coordinate opportunities for your child to see her biological father, but there will be advantages for her, too, to be part of a new, stable family. The crux is, it sounds like this man does love you, to have built this life with you and your child. Must we demand others love us in an extreme, without-us-life-would-be-not-worth-living kind of way?
Perhaps he can go first. Then, while continuing to talk to each other, you two can decide jointly if your joining him is what you both want.
Good luck!
