is there no context where this guy cannot mention his alcoholism?

This is the first time I have read one of Cary's advice columns that shocked me. Regarding the man who wrote about how pleased he is with his newly lowered sex drive. I am astonished that no mention was made of the child of this marriage. He admits his wife is willing to take a new approach to their sex life. It is therefore appalling that he would consider divorce and his own selfish needs before those of his child. Is it possible that he may have actually been overly demanding of her during pregnancy? Perhaps sex was painful for her at that time. I don't know. But it does sounds like she is willing to work on their relationship. If he is any kind of father, he should step up and work with her.

Late thirties is not old. Worry about old when you become 58 perhaps. I chose this age because it is the number you have selected as the oldest person you would consider dating.

You have no reason to feel old in the dating scene, unless you are really attracted to the 18 to 30 crowd exclusively. They will probably make you feel old. You can date any age you like but your biggest demographic is probably the 35 to 50 group. Lots of people there.

What type of person would you like to meet regardless of age? Are you physically fit and active? What do you like to do? Your life and what you do for fun will determine who will find you attractive, and who you will let past your filters into your life.

As for people who write letters about expiration dates on women, you are definitely not looking for them. Not even if you were 18, long before you were due to expire as a sex object, would you be interested in them.

Male potters are a great group, and the ones I know make great husbands. So maybe you are ready for pottery classes. Don't rule out creative outlets as a great place to meet creative interesting people.

I am 39. I used to lie about my age. I used to get really nervous about appearing bald. Etc Etc. This is due to an attachment to looking acceptable, which in this culture, generally means young.

What we have to do is get rid of the attachment to appearance, ANY attachment. Young kids look young because they have very few attachments. As they increasingly worry about their attachments that's when the aging process begins. It hits you right in the heart.

Thats why people meditate. I meditate. Falun Dafa is my way but there are others.

Aging in my opinion is unfulfilled attachments that we never really let go of, EVEN IF WE "GET THEM". you think about it.

Chris

I'm 55, divorced, and still dream of a loving, mutually devoted partnership into advanced old age. One of the things I've found saddest is in my exploration of the personals. I've filled out an amusing, warm-hearted profile, posted a recent and attractive photo. Then sometimes I'll browse. I always set the age of men I'm seeking to an equal range younger and older than myself (usually 45 to 65).

I find all sorts of appealing men's profiles, but then when I read the fine print, 90% of the time they require a younger woman. Some will even say, man, 60, seeks women 35 to 59... I'm always poleaxed by this. 59? Does this mean for some reason he must, must be the elder in a couple? Would even 12 months of female seniority be unacceptable? Why?

It seems so transparently about power imbalance to me. So many more women than men lose their spouses and spend old age alone. We're already generally more likely to know that grief, and these ads suggest indifference to the hurt of that...that we should be sanguine about most likely being widowed even sooner, and longer.

The worst cruelty is finding fault with someone for something they cannot help. Reminds me of one man, balding, pot-bellied (I'm slim but was never offended by his belly), and impotent from surgery (I made him happy in bed, he said). He sized me up one night in a sour mood and said, But I'm not sure you're right for me. Okay, I said, I won't argue, but would you tell me why? He said, well, you have this back problem. (A slipped disk.)

Anyway, rambling...but age prejudice is a terrible thing. Women internalize it and loathe themselves and fear their mirrors, and men often cut themself off from women who could be their most understanding, loving partners...their dear peers.

Is there any hope the culture is growing out of this?

and when they're old not enough. Too bad their isn't some way to balance it out

I don't hang out with racists, I don't hang out with sexists and I don't hang out with ageists. Ageists enjoy feeling superior to anyone older than themselves, it's what they do. If one chooses to associate with them, the price of admission into their circle is acknowledging their youthful superiority.

It's obvious LW has been associating with, or at least listening to, people who think in ageist/sexist terms. She chose to read Salon's article quoting an unknown (and probably expired) man who wrote an Amazon.com review, then she decided he's right. Out of all the millions of people in the world, LW decided one individual embicile is the only person she's going to listen to.

The truth is that LW is likely to discover as she ages that she enjoys life more than she ever did when she was younger, that she accepts herself on levels she never thought possible, and that the voices of the nincompoops she once paid attention to have mysteriously faded away. Then again, LW may become just another aging narcissist whose only concern is maintaining her jawline and keeping up with her botox injection schedule. It happens that way for some women.

As a society, we've been propagandized into believing that older women are unloved, unnecessary and unwanted. However, many of us who've bravely gone before have discovered an abundance of young, middle-age and old men who love mature women. It's one of the biggest secrets out there. Hush, don't tell anyone. It'll take all the fun out of the surprise.