Site Presented By
Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
True, love and sex are (or at least can be) mutually exclusive. So why is a man who is thinking about being unfaithful a "poor example" of a man and a human being?
If sex and love can be seperated, and a man can still love a pregnant wife even though he is having sex with someone else how is that a "poor" example when you insist that sex and love are seperate issues in the first place...
The reality is that marriage is a pointless institution that ignores the basic biology and drives of both men and women.
if anyone besides you is literally too stupid to understand what I wrote then there would be absolutely no point in my doing anything to try and faciliate communication in any form with them.
That is one of the saddest things ever -- a guy who's glad an anti-depressant took his libido away. If he's this pathetic now, imagine what he was like before he started taking the drug.
Dude, you live in Detroit -- how could you not be depressed?
Does anyone defend "Her threats of withholding that she lobs when we're in the midst of an argument" as a legitimate way of expressing yourself during an argument? Sounds like textbook manipulation to me.
Not unless you assume that the wife owes him sex, which she does not. At no time EVER do women OWE men sex. Or vice versa. Sex is about desire and love. And if she's not feeling loving or desirous then it is crap to expect it out of her. I don't know where in the world anybody, man or woman, would get off assuming that the world owes them some nookie, but it most certainly does not.
It is common to read a few words from First Corinthians Chapter 13 ("Love is patient, love is kind....").
Obviously, these people are pretty far off the mark on love, which is kind of the main issue. But, Chapter 7 of the same book addresses the deliberately withholding of sex:
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control...(NIV)
I don't want to start a religious war; I hope everyone can get something out of this regardless of their religious orientation. I just think that sex really is a ( mutual) marital obligation (how we hate that word!), and this expresses it pretty elequently in a non-sexist way.
Of course, it would be cruel to expect sex from a spouse who is puking up blood from the flu or something, and treating one's spouse cruelly is not good for intimacy, but, aside from such reasonable issues, deliberate deprivation by either spouse has historically been considered wrong, and perhaps for good reason.
Please check your references to Neanderthals. You don't really know anything about Neanderthals and how they related to one another, do you? Using the word as a term of derision doesn't serve you well in your writing.
I'm going by what the man percieves, because his relationship depends on what his perceptions are and how he thinks things should be. I think Cary's advise was pretty good. Maybe this drug is the best thing that has ever happened to this marriage. He gets to speak up and get his wife to understand she is not ALWAYS right. She has got to learn to not use SEX to get what she wants.
Yes, they need to answer the central question of do they even love each other anymore? If not, is it worth trying to fall in love again?
The main thing I see is that these two people NEED to learn to communicate, find a good marriage counsler, one who doesn't take sides and urge divorce. Divorce is so lazy and many people aren't happier with a new person because they didn't learn how to fix the bad habits that led to the divorce in the first place. No one is perfect and all relationships need fine tuning, we aren't mind readers.
That is where the real discussion of divorce should reside, does the other person try to stop a behavior that is making you uncomfortable or unhappy after you have talked(not yelled) to them about it.
That this wife uses sex as a tool for control is obvious, to say it's probably his fault for not being a good lover or a lazy husband who doesn't help with the kids or housework is just being illogical. Hey, lets give the lady a pass and ignore that she stopped having sex AFTER the wedding VOWS, not after the baby. Screw that, this woman is a manipulative person who wants her husband to change depression medication so she can go back to getting what she wants all the time by leading him with his penis. She sounds like a spoiled brat on a power trip. He needs to be able to explain to her how her behavior is shitty and not good companionship.
Of course there are pissed off men, it's a pity that they can be led by their penises, that's the cruel biological joke on them, so there are many women who take advantage of this and use this sex barter strategy in a relationship. There are women who think they are always right and their husband is some hapless boob so he better do what she says or he won't get any action. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a wife treat her husband like a child. To ignore this and pretend that it stems from mans lack of sexual ability and not some spoiled princess complex or thinly veiled man hate is shitty. I won't deny that there are many men who are crappy lovers, but there are just as many women who refuse to masturbate and refuse to help their man learn and explore how to get them off.
Sure, in the heat of an argument I don't go hey baby let's get it on, but once that argument is over and the issue resolved, no matter who "won" or whatever compromise was struck, there is always affection afterwards, a hug, a kiss and sometimes sex. No argument should last for days or weeks! The old saying "Never go to bed angry" is damn good advice. Harboring grudges is ugly and a sure fire way to destroy your marriage.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Salon headlines in your mailbox
