Doesn't mean that men aspire to the same things you do. If you are happy, great. If you aren't, change it. Don't presume that your happiness automatically extends to your spouse. You really don't know. For most successful men marriage is about significant tradeoffs which don't justify themselves with that which is received in return. Yes, ladies, many of you use sex to bargain for things you want, it is your nature. Yes, many men use their income and money as a bargaining chip as well. So what? The pussy is usually not that good. You, conversely, can argue that it isn't that good for you, and you will have a point. Most men don't care. The younger and the more attractive a woman the less she feels she must do to accomodate her man and work toward the greater good. The older and less attractive they get (if they aren't in a relationship or married) the more pressure they feel to satisfy a man in order to keep him. Sadly, as men become older and more successful, they become more desirable and have the ability to obtain younger, more atractive women. We don't make the rules. We just play the game. Marriage, for a successful man, is grossly overated. No, I don't want to rain on anyones parade and wish anyone who is married all the happiness possible, but why would a successful man want to do it, especially without a prenuptial agreement. There is no reason. It is not mysoginistic, but you can continue to call it that, if it makes you feel better about yourself. I am all for equality, as it is usually based upon economics and the value you contribute and your skill/effort. It has little to do with gender, race, religion or other issues. It is simply how well you perform and how hard you work.

if men don't aspire to being happily married? Why do they ask us to marry them? No one is forcing them.

I'm not going to go into the details of my marriage, but suffice it to say that:

1)I was asked.

2)My husband has told me it was the best thing he's ever done.

3)If he wants to, he can leave the marriage, as can I.

4)I do not know what my husband says behind my back, and he doesn't know what I say behind his. All I know is what my life is, and is not.

5)I can say that from all appearances, and from my subjective experience, that I married a good person who expresses happiness. What else should I care about?

6)My husband expresses pleasure when I tell him he's a good man. Have you ever had this experience?

For the record: I am not obsessed with being "happily married". My name is not even "Happily Married." That's just an internet moniker for this message board. I have other interests as well as a real name.

Any man that needs a womans affirmations of his worth and value as a man with a nice pat on the head is not successful and has little confidence. Most men don't need that. We'd prefer our contemporaries in our career provide us those affirmations in the form of money and career advancement. Most men prefer that a woman dress nicely, look great naked, are a whore in bed and take the time to initiate sex at least 1/2 the time and like sex at least 4-5 times per week, if they are healthy men. They prefer a woman who does not interfere with their work. As is typical of most women you read what you wanted and disregarded the rest. It's great that you are happy as I stated. The reason men are foolish enough to ask some woman to marry them is that the woman is using sex as a bargaining chip by subtling informing their perspective spouse that they will get all they want, if they get married, as it is more convenient. I have seen men who felt trapped by being dumb enough to believe a woman who said she was on birth control and now they are married and/or linked to this woman financially until their children turn 18. The only reason for marriage, for a successul man, is to have children (in a planned, intended manner) in a stable environment, end of story. Being monogamous is not the natural state of things, and it never was. It is the social mores and society frowning upon not being married that encouraged men to get married when they'd much rather have variety in their life, if they had the courage and economic advantages I do to make such choices. These are facts. I hope you don't trot out religious reasons to support your position, since they hold no water. I am a darwinist and an atheist. It makes for a much more logical and honest existence.

"Any man that needs a womans affirmations of his worth and value as a man

with a nice pat on the head is not successful and has little confidence."

Needing and liking are two different things.

"We'd prefer our contemporaries in our career provide us those affirmations in the form of money and career advancement."

He has that. What does that have to do with me?

"Most men prefer that a woman dress nicely,"

I do.

"look great naked,"

Good enough.

"are a whore in bed"

yup.

"and take the time to initiate sex at least 1/2 the time"

yup... (see above)

"and like sex at least 4-5 times per week, if they are healthy men."

Well, when we started when he was in his 20s that was the case. A 40-yr.-old man is not that same sexually as a 20-yr-old.

"They prefer a woman who does not interfere with their work."

How could I? We both work in different offices. He has asked my advice quite often, though. And my advice has helped him negotiate better pay at work.

"As is typical of most women you read what you wanted and disregarded the rest."

No, you just state myths and half-truths that are not in accordance with my reality. Can you say that now?

"It's great that you are happy as I stated."

Thanks.

"The reason men are foolish enough to ask some woman to marry them is that the woman is using sex as a bargaining chip by subtling informing their perspective spouse that they will get all they want, if they get married, as it is more convenient."

This is your big lie. Perhaps in the days of yore when women kept their virginity till marriage, sex was used as a bargaining chip. But who has that nowadays? How in the world is marriage a more convenient way to get the sex that he was already getting from me?

But I was screwing this dude when we met and we were hot and in our 20s. I wasn't going to stop. He was cute, and so was I.

"I have seen men who felt trapped by being dumb enough to believe a woman who said she was on birth control and now they are married and/or linked to this woman financially until their children turn 18."

Didn't happen this way. There are ways men can guarantee not to get women pregnant, but on to the next...

"The only reason for marriage, for a successul man, is to have children (in a planned, intended manner) in a stable environment, end of story."

Perhaps for women, too.

"Being monogamous is not the natural state of things, and it never was."

You're correct. It takes emotional discipline and maturity.

"It is the social mores and society frowning upon not being married that encouraged men to get married when they'd much rather have variety in their life, if they had the courage and economic advantages I do to make such choices."

I don't think that he was too influenced by the "shame" of being single, if things are so great chasing "hot chicks," why would he change? He is well-educated and good-looking, so there were other opportunities. When I met him he was dating other women. I was dating other men too.

"These are facts."

Ha. Ha.

"I hope you don't trot out religious reasons to support your position, since they hold no water."

Didn't have to.

"I am a darwinist and an atheist. It makes for a much more logical and honest existence."

Keep on trucking!