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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
What would your husband say to his male friends without you looking over his shoulder about his happiness in your marriage? We really don't know, and neither do you. Statistics don't lie. PS: I am not negative about marriage, only negative about marriage without a strong prenuptial agreement.
I've been reading a lot of posts in response to various Salon articles from all these angry men, and while I definitely have sympathy for anyone who is experiencing a bad relationship, I guess if women can be targeted with such rage it is because we actually have, or are starting to have, equality. When women are truly second- or third-class citizens (or have a complete absence of any human rights), men have complete distain for us as and don't even bother to get angry with us because we just aren't that important. I guess this is progress, of a sort.
The fact is that smart men don't marry, without a prenuptial agreement. You have equality, now demonstrate accountability, responsibility and liability for your decisions and actions, as women. Don't expect alimony. Don't expect to receive 1/2 of that which you have not built, etc. Be an adult. Be equal. Get your wallet out and demonstrate your emancipation as most men do, by paying for it.
I have read your other letters and it is clear you feel that violence by women against men is acceptable (perhaps to be encouraged), which is far worse than using sex as a weapon. I wonder what other wonderful attitudes you have which clearly demonstrate that you feel that bad behavior by women is acceptable and should be accepted, along with the notion that fleecing men financially and obstructing them as parents is also quite nice. You have shown your colors. I wonder what your BMI is and how many cats you have.
Good God. Between the blatant misogyny (which, were it applied to another race would definitely be banned here) and the personal attacks at polygoesia, who made an excellent point, I think it's safe to say that "No Name Given" has gone completely off his meds.
I think the moderators need to step in here.
Well, I guess it's on to building the Brave New World based on this fundamental truth. Since the complete truth of life has been totally revealed and there is absolutley nothing more to be said I trust we won't hear any more complaining from women about men who have nothing to say to them.
What planet have you been living on?
Yes! That's why you spent hours of your life this afternoon, responding to post after post, justifying your own bitterness and resentment toward women by telling us about the rotten bitch you married (poor little rich boy)... yeah, you don't care. That's why you're here, reading and responding, because we're not that important and you could care less.
Your vitriol belies you. Why don't you take a few of the millions your ex left you with and invest it in therapy. There are manipulative women out there and you ran across one. There are cold-hearted sons of bitches out there masquerading as men, and I've run across a couple myself. Do I hate all men? Nah. Just the ones, like you, who need an excuse to hate me because your fucking ex wife didn't put out.
I pity your sons.
I feel confident that my husband is secure and happily married as well. I'm attractive and well-educated. I take care of myself, and so does he.
We both want to be around for a long time.
I know that what he says behind my back is similar to what I say behind his. I know him very well.
Does that mean that we never argue, that I don't find other people attractive? that he doesn't find other women attractive? No. Hell, Brad Pitt is one of the most beautiful men on the planet... BUT SO WHAT???!!
I married an honorable man who is funny, smart and good-looking. I feel really lucky.
As far as the numbers go, the flip side of the negative statistics is that there are also positive ones.
Don't know if it makes any difference to your perception, but we are an interracial couple , and we were actually friends before we got romantically or sexually involved, which I believe is a big key to our success.
I posted "Sex IS one of the obligations of marriage," as "No Name Given," but I want to say that none of the other posts as "No Name Given" are by me.
"The fact is that smart men don't marry, without a prenuptial agreement."
When I read this I thought " and smart women...?" Then I thought, "What about the kids? Don't they deserve support?"
I'm happily married. So are most of my firends. Some of the posts here remind both my husband and I of exactly why we can NOT get divorced. Wading through the gender anger here perhaps makes the dating scene look worse than it is. Most men and women are good people. The people who all go "gold digger" and "jerk" need to look to themselves, to see why they choose these people.
As for the LW, if he is correct, he needs therapy. He's been depressed, and he's SURE his perceptions are correct? If they are, he and his wife need to learn how to communicate openly and honestly. If they aren't (which is possible) he needs to find out why he is interpreting the situation so negatively. We all make bargains, consciously and unconsciously. There's a subscript here that he needs to explore. As with a number of things, both may be right AND wrong. When it comes to sex, perceptions can collide, and people can act really weird.
Are women and men perfect. Nope, there are good people and there are bad people. People who love each other fuck up. Sometimes they are forgiven, sometimes they are not. Men can be shitty to their wives, wives can be shitty to their husbands, know what that means? People can be really shitty to each other. There is no man better, woman better. Both sexes can use children and sex and money as weapons against the other.
Statistics can be interesting, but we do not know why did the women file for divorce most of the time. Could it possibly be because the man didn't want to bother? And if the woman needs child support and he won't pay it willingly, she has to file for the divorce. Look at Brad and Angelina and Jennifer, he ran off with a new woman, is adopting her children and has impregnanted her. But even though it was obvious that Brad wanted out of the marriage to move on to a new life, he did not file the divorce papers, Jennifer did.
My father abandoned my family when I was 6 yrs old. My mother had to file for the divorce because he couldn't be bothered.
Why do so many second marriages fail, could it be that PEOPLE have poor communication skills in a relationship, so what broke up the first marriage, breaks up the second cause no one learned their lesson the first time?
And yes prenuptual agreements can be a good thing, but they should ONLY be for asset distribution. Any other clauses regarding sex, weight, who gets the kids are complete assholes who have no idea as to what compromise means and what changes of life mean. Things change, people change, diseases happen, the test of character is the ability to love someone when life changes the outside. Wrinkles appear, hair is lost, the ravages of time effect us all. If you need to contract every item in marital life, then you are a person who is doomed to fail in marriage.
Is divorce law outdated, most likely. So men get together and prove your cases, apply to your legislature. Do what women did to get child support and alimony in the first place.
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