Wow. A real pot-stirrer, this letter. Perhaps predictably, the responses segregate into two camps: "Stupid jerk!" versus "Evil bitch!" Distortion, anyone? The couple apparently had a good sex life in the past, so I'm guessing he's not a selfish klutz, and she's not frigid.

Things changed when they got married, and now the wife appears to be using sex as a commodity rather than an expression of affection or a thing to be enjoyed in itself; still, we don't know very much about this couple. For instance, How old are the kids? Do they sleep through the night? Do they pound at their parents' door? Are both parents happy with the division of labor, money, and time? Maybe LW isn't the only one with depression, itself a potential mood-killer.

Cary is correct, IMHO, about the repressed anger component of depression. This man is pretty angry with his wife; would it be any wonder if she were as repressed-but-angry at him? Especially if their expectations of each other have shifted from lover to spouse-and-co-parent unaknowledged. So maybe the wife only feels sexual towards him when she feels appreciated in her role as his wife and the mother of his children - hence the appearance of tit-for-tat. A recent item in Salon quotes a husband with words to this effect: (http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/01). Maybe winning an argument with him makes her feel engaged as an equal, and maybe she really needs that as the mother of young children. There’s bound to be truth in LW’s sense that he’s been manipulated. But there must also be another side to the story.

In any event, LW and his wife need to talk. Probably in the presence of a trained professional. They loved each other when they got married; the fact that they now find themselves in a rut-less rut need not be the end of the marriage.

It sounds like the wife is a selfish, controlling person who wants him to stop taking a medication that is obviously helping him greatly simply so that she can regain her previous control over the relationship.

Why else hardly ever have sex, primarily use it as a bargaining and emotional lever, then make a big fuss when the other party loses interest?

It is no simple trick to find a medication that will help someone's depression as much as he has been helped by Celexa...speaking from experience. Since she claims her feelings about sex have changed, it sounds like she knew good and well that she was unfairly manipulating the husband and now is scrambling to mop up. Can she be sincere? Maybe. But even if she is, the issue remains that she is probably a pretty screwy person to have done that kind of crap in the first place, and often people don't change much even when they want to.

If I were the LW, I would stay on the medication that is helping me so much, and use my new mental/emotional clarity and lack of interest in sex to seriously examine my feelings about the relationship. It appeared that there wasn't much to the marriage besides the occasional sex for the LW, and it's quite possible that he would be much better off away from his wife. If children are involved, of course that also requires consideration - but it sounds to me that he has discovered that there really isn't anything there worth having.

I don't believe the wife has respect for this poor guy. Now that he's standing his ground, the playing field is levelled. Sex can really complicate things when its not the free-expression of love that Cary talks about. better to leave the sex out of this relationship until they can get to a place where they both truly respect and care for one another, if they can. The wife should see a therapist too because obviously she has anger and some unhealthy methods of (trying to) resolving it. She can't be a happy soul acting the way she has been - but does she see that?

Of all the writers offering solace to desperate strangers, Cary Tennis is far and away the very best. That this man does not have a more public pulpit from which to help those in need surprises me. Cary, have you been propositioned by a network or cable channel yet? If not, please get an agent who will do the legwork for you! Compared to you, Dr. Phil is a laughing stock!

The effect of Celexa upon libido is unpredictable, but your sex drive may be only temporarily reduced. For me, at first, Celexa caused reduction of sexual sensation and delayed ejaculation, but my wife was understanding about it, and those symptoms have gradually subsided, and my libido is fine.

In time, you may find that your libido has not left you. Perhaps, instead, you will discover what your letter already implies: that you are simply no longer feeling desperate dependence on your wife for sex that you never really enjoyed in the first place. In other words, perhaps it's not your libido that has fled, but your self-respect that has returned.

I'm a happily married woman, been married for 14 years, and I am still attracted to my husband, and he to me, and we have two kids in the preteen years.

Sometimes we're just plain tired from work and responsibilities, but that's just acknowledged as what it is... fatigue, not lack of interest. I just wish we had the energy/time/privacy, etc. to do it more often.

We had a fun sex life before we married, we still have fun. Have our bodies changed, yes. Have our energy levels changed, yes. But that's just part of growing older, and that's going to happen with whoever you choose.

Who are these women who stop having sex with their husbands and why? If it was good once, it should still be good. If their husbands aren't satisfying them, why can't they tell them what to do? I think most men want to know what their partner likes, dislikes, etc.

Are these just stereotypes of marriage? I just don't understand.