- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
I'm going by what the man percieves, because his relationship depends on what his perceptions are and how he thinks things should be. I think Cary's advise was pretty good. Maybe this drug is the best thing that has ever happened to this marriage. He gets to speak up and get his wife to understand she is not ALWAYS right. She has got to learn to not use SEX to get what she wants.
Yes, they need to answer the central question of do they even love each other anymore? If not, is it worth trying to fall in love again?
The main thing I see is that these two people NEED to learn to communicate, find a good marriage counsler, one who doesn't take sides and urge divorce. Divorce is so lazy and many people aren't happier with a new person because they didn't learn how to fix the bad habits that led to the divorce in the first place. No one is perfect and all relationships need fine tuning, we aren't mind readers.
That is where the real discussion of divorce should reside, does the other person try to stop a behavior that is making you uncomfortable or unhappy after you have talked(not yelled) to them about it.
That this wife uses sex as a tool for control is obvious, to say it's probably his fault for not being a good lover or a lazy husband who doesn't help with the kids or housework is just being illogical. Hey, lets give the lady a pass and ignore that she stopped having sex AFTER the wedding VOWS, not after the baby. Screw that, this woman is a manipulative person who wants her husband to change depression medication so she can go back to getting what she wants all the time by leading him with his penis. She sounds like a spoiled brat on a power trip. He needs to be able to explain to her how her behavior is shitty and not good companionship.
Of course there are pissed off men, it's a pity that they can be led by their penises, that's the cruel biological joke on them, so there are many women who take advantage of this and use this sex barter strategy in a relationship. There are women who think they are always right and their husband is some hapless boob so he better do what she says or he won't get any action. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a wife treat her husband like a child. To ignore this and pretend that it stems from mans lack of sexual ability and not some spoiled princess complex or thinly veiled man hate is shitty. I won't deny that there are many men who are crappy lovers, but there are just as many women who refuse to masturbate and refuse to help their man learn and explore how to get them off.
Sure, in the heat of an argument I don't go hey baby let's get it on, but once that argument is over and the issue resolved, no matter who "won" or whatever compromise was struck, there is always affection afterwards, a hug, a kiss and sometimes sex. No argument should last for days or weeks! The old saying "Never go to bed angry" is damn good advice. Harboring grudges is ugly and a sure fire way to destroy your marriage.
