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I wonder if you subscribe to the Richard Pryor version of gender relations. In response to the question "Why are women so happy all the time?" He said that it was because they "have half the money and all the pussy."
Gender relations as an economic equation, or as some type of competition, is an interesting take on things (and in Pryor's case, funny), but is certainly too superficial to be really useful. Relationships are complicated and highly individual, and trying to break a specific relationship down based on sociological approaches doesn't really help anyone as a practical matter.
In the LW's case, he's got some decisions to make that only he can decide. I'm sure there's another side to the story that we're not privy to, and one that would probably change how we are perceiving this whole affair. To attack him, his spouse, Cary, each other, or anyone else as being somehow "wrong" here is just plain nonsense.
We'd need much more information to accurately do that.
