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• Wednesday, February 8, 2006 07:34 AM

  Early Sex versus Late Sex

  2 Points

  1)

  I have actually had someone I had just started dating say to me, "I really feel a connection to you, which is kinda bad for you. I really want to jump you right now, but since I think you might be THE ONE you are going to have to wait" Are you serious? Does this make sense? How about, if I am the perfect guy in every way but horrible in bed, that by the time you find that out you are already emotionally invested?

  2)

  As a guy, and I admit that I may the only one that feels this way, let me state that how soon a woman sleeps with me has NO EFFECT on whether we have a "real" relationship. To steal from Sex and the City, if I am "that into her" I am that into her regardless of whether we sleep together BEFORE the first date or after the 30th. The problem is, if I am not "that into you", then withholding sex but dangling it in front of me like a carrot, might, I repeat might, encourage my competitive instincts, and cause me to pursue you, and once I "get" you, to continue to be with you for a while. A while.

  If, in the course, of all that dating and relating, we find we actually get along and like each other, then, that's great. It's a relationship. Maybe even a good one. But it isn't a Harlequin Romance by any means.

  It's like the good friend you have because you have been friends so long. After a while, that person just kind of falls into the friend for life category not because your like each other more than any other friend you have, but because you are just that used to them. I know a lot of marriages like that, a lot. People that after a year or two, looked around and said, "Hey, this wasn't really what I wanted, but I can deal, and it's cold and lonely out there!" So, they get married and have kids and "make it work".

  It's funny how, it seems we put more effort and decision into choosing the right job or career, than into choosing the right mate. The majority of the men I know sound like Al Bundy when they talk about their wives. And, to be fair, the majority of the women sound like Ray Romano's wife. And it's ridiculous.

  So, yes, if you are attracted to the guy, and you want to get laid, sleep with him. If he is really into you and the kind of guy that the fact you slept with him today instead of two weeks from now or the fact that you really seem to know your way around a penis is a problem, then his hangups will probably always be a problem. So you might as well do it.

  —AJ Carpenter
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