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My husband and I have been married for 13 years, and we often enjoy mind-blowing porno sex. When I read or hear about sexless or sex-deprived marriages, I start to analyze what we have done that keeps our own sex-life alive.
First of all, I think a lot of husbands would get laid by their wives more often if they pitched in more with the housework and child care. When our son was first born, my formerly high sex-drive went out the window. After having the little baby on my body all day, I couldn't stand to be touched by anyone. I just wanted to have my body to myself for a few minutes. We didn't have sex for months sometimes. When my husband and I discussed this problem, I explained how hard it was for me to feel sexy after being a mommy all day. He responded by taking care of our son more often, giving me time to myself. Our super porn-star sex came back shortly there after.
It's not manipulation or quid pro quo, but because my husband responds and listens to my needs, I want to do the same for him. Sometimes he does the dishes when he doesn't feel like it, so that I can relax. Sometimes, even when I'm not in the mood to have sex, I work a little bit to get myself in the mood, because I know he really could use some sexual release.
Another great thing about my husband is that if I'm super busy at work or whatever and I don't have sex with him for a few weeks, he doesn't take it personally. We both recognize that there will be dry spells in a marriage for work and health reasons, and we don't get angry at each other about them. We just try to get back on track together at the first opportunity.
A lot of my married friends complain about having sexual problems with their husbands, and they have a lot of hang ups too. One woman's husband fell apart when she surprised him in sexy lingerie. Another woman's husband won't change his sexual approach, even though it really turns her off. A lot of times I wonder how something that seems so simple can be so complicated by rules and ideas of what should happen in bed.
A sense of playfulness and a genuine desire to please your partner and get pleased yourself are all you really need.
