Perhaps you simply haven't found what turns you on. Read erotic stories, watch different kinds of porn, try different fantasies. Perhaps you have an as-of-yet-undiscovered fetish! Seriously though, this is only a problem if your boyfriend has a problem with it, and he sounds rather asexual as well. It definitely isn't normal for a man to be so relaxed about a lack of sex (unless hes very religious, or you both are. You didn't make that so clear in your letter).

Also, I wouldn't decide that you were uninterested in sex until you try it --- preferably with this young man whom you love. Perhaps you are one of those people who is only turned on by one person, and you could try some making out or other foreplay. Who knows, perhaps you will find yourself surprisingly turned on.

You also sound like you might be intellectualizing too much. Being interested in sex doesn't make you a less sophisticated person, and you might just be a late bloomer. I know women who had very low sex drive until they hit their 30's, or until they became pregnant!

As a 30-something virgin, I sympathize with the letter writer. Reading AVEN's site made me feel uncomfortable, as if not constantly thinking about sex is a disease state. Asexuality support groups? Parents wringing their hands that their children aren't being sexual enough? And I'm assuming children NOT of majority age; if the children are of majority, what business is it of the parents?

Maybe it is desensitization in a hypersexualized age, where we are bombarded on TV, the radio, billboards, and magazines with a constant drumbeat of sex. Cars are sexualized. Beer is sexualized. Young children (read: Jon-Benet Ramsey) are sexualized. A recent Atlantic Monthly book review discusses oral sex among preteens (albeit in an apocryphal manner). When one has to be *apologetic* having close friends of the same or different genders and needing to specify the friendships as a platonic. To quote Seinfeld, "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

On the other hand, if there is a hinderance to being intimate -- physical, spiritual, psychological, etc -- when you want to be intimate, then I can see that being an issue worthy of discussing with a psychologist or counselor.

I'd advise the letter writer to get to a doctor ASAP, and get her hormone levels checked. It's likely as simple as that.

Perhaps the writer of the letter is asexual. Some people just don't have the desire or strong desire to have sex. It does not automatically indicate a medical problem or disorder.

She may be uncomfortable because she feels like she should want to have sex (societal norm) or she may be uncomfortable because there is something psychological causing her to have odd feelings about sex. It does appear that there may be some issues she needs to sort through.

I agree that the writer should explore different avenues. See if there is something that turns her on. If after exploring her options, or even attempting sex, she still has no desire to have sex, or is not interested at that point, my guess would be she is asexual.

I'm a child of the 60s who at one point had a "Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll" bumper sticker. I've gone through most of the Kama Sutra. I've been with some amazing men and women. I have orgasms. I've been wildly experimental.

Given all that, my experience is that sex is seriously overrated. My reaction afterward has always been "Is that all there is?" I'd rather see a good movie. I'd far rather read a good book. Heck, I'd rather walk my dogs.

I know this isn't normal. My friends choose their lovers based on such criteria as sexual prowess and physical attractiveness, but I'm unable to comprehend what makes sex so overwhelming to them.

What I'd like to say to LW is that it's possible to be happy and fulfilled and live a very good life without sex being the driving force in your universe. It's also possible to enjoy a lover without experiencing the grand passion we're taught we should be pursuing at all times.

Best wishes.

Hi!

Of course it is abnormal, as "most" people, which is the definition of "normal", like having sex.

Is it good or bad that you don't like sex? Neither. It's just a situation that you are in.

The only problem here, is that you may feel that you want to be normal, and enjoy sex. I would definitely suggest talking to at least other friends about it, if not a "professional".

It may be, that as your life goes on, your are OK with not liking sex, which is great, as this means you wouldn't worry about it any more. Or, it may be that you end up enjoying sex, and liking that you enjoy sex, which is great also.

I happen to really like sex, but sometimes that's not so great, because I'll want to have sex with someone else, and they won't want to. So, just because it's "normal" to want to have sex, that doesn't mean that makes it any easier than not wanting to have sex and worrying about it.

It may be of benefit for you to realize that if you do end up enjoying sex with others, that it will be easier for you than for me, because you're female.

The people that typically have as much sex as they desire are heterosexual women, and gay guys. Guys want sex a lot, so if you're female and in a straight relationship, you usually never get turned down. Similarly, if you're a gay guy, it's typically easy (assuming you don't live in the boonies) to find another guy who wants to have sex. Sometimes it's enough for me to want to turn gay, just so I can get a reasonable amount of sex.

The moral of your story is that everyone has problems, especially here on earth. I would suggest trying to resolve your "problem". God wants everyone to try. That's why we're here.