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I had to read this letter twice to be sure that I hadn't written it myself. I was a professor at an Ivy League school up against a mother-in-law who never went to high school. Yet she had a genius for undermining all my self-worth. She actually sent me pamphlets with titles like "Why Can't I Love?"
What I came to realize in time was that this woman was jealous of a life she could not have had: A fulfilling career, a loving husband, and-not least--the advantages of having come of age at a time when women had more choices. I don't think she could have articulated this, but I think she was more wounded by my asking what career she might have had given the opportunity than if I had actually hurt her physically.
I do disagree that you could get to a place where you two could actually get along, let alone love each other. Try to love yourself enough to set limits and be proud of all you've accomplished, rather than look for affirmation where you'll never get it--your parents or your husband's parents.
Jane L.
