Letters to the Editor
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Family mistreats dad
My heart goes to all who are suffering in the family. I'm not a psychologist, but I had a psych teacher who taught me a few good lessons.
Whatever dysfunction happened due to the drinking, is in the past, and each family member needs to take a few minutes and see the other family members as they are today instead of how we saw them in the past. Whatever judgments there are about the drunk, needs to be dropped and see the man for who he is right now.
I suspect that the father accepts that the family members don't respect him, but in his heart he also knows that he is loved. He may also find safety in believing that someone else is in control. For that illussory feeling of safety, he is willing to pay a price.
To the writer, I say look at each family member and have compassion for the unhappiness. Understand that they see your father with old jugements. They see him as a weak irresponsible person. What will change that view? You can make a list of all the wonderful attributes of you father and remind other family members of those attributes.
Also remember that your mother may be controlling, but that may be a situation that was forced on her. She is used to that role, and she may be angry about it, but she does not know how to let go. It's a habit that repeats itself, especially when the whole family gets together. The illusion that she is in control is supported by everyone. Who will say to her: I am an adult and you have not controlled my life for a long time now.
Families are like plays in the theater. Each family member believes the role he/she plays. If you change, your role will change, and others will have to adjust. The play also changes. Simple to understand, but difficult to realize (make real).
I wish all patience and love.