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• Friday, January 13, 2006 10:42 AM

  it doesn't have to be all or nothing

  Rowsdower, you sound more than a little bitter about...something. I can guess but I won't presume to know for sure. The letter writer makes it very clear that she's looking to BALANCE childrearing with her artistic ambitions. This seems entirely possible since her goals are relatively modest--she's starting out small with local shows, wants to build her skills through education, and so on. You're the one who calls her "Miss Picasso," but nowhere in her letter does she earn that label: she doesn't sound grandiose or over-ambitious, she's not looking for fame and fortune, she simply wants to be as productive as she can be, within the limitations of her life. And we ALL have limitations, whether in terms of time, money, energy....

  There was a time when I toyed with the idea of making the kind of choice you discuss--forgoing marriage and family in order to stay "pure" and unhindered for my art. It took a long time for me to figure out that I, like many people, am simply not built for that kind of solitude and single-mindedness. Some people truly are, and I envy them, but I can't pretend to be one of them. I ultimately chose to sacrifice a good deal of my time, energy, and self-centeredness in order to stay with the man I loved and raise a family--but that doesn't mean I'm not still committed to my creative endeavors. I just have to be satisfied with a much slower pace of accomplishment and a more limited set of longe-range goals. Do I miss my megalomaniacal single days, sometimes? Sure. But instead I have a stable, loving home that nourishes me deeply and keeps me sane. And as a bonus, I have something I couldn't have envisioned back in my "cloistered artiste" days--a level of self-confidence and contentedness that really boosts my productivity. I have gained almost as much as I lost--possibly more.

  In short--some of us just need both: the kids' playroom and the studio (or writing table or music practice room or whatever). There's no need to assume one precludes the other.

  And another thing: children need time and attention and love, but they also need happy, well-adjusted, relatively fulfilled mothers and fathers.

  —JazzGrrl Read JazzGrrl's other letters
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