I am making an assumption that the LW is a diagnosed schizophrenic. The disassociation, and inability to relate to others - often read as shyness, loner behavior, or sometimes just plain ol' weirdness - are more than minor hints.

My younger step-sibling is a schizophrenic. Twice in the past, he has stopped taking his meds.

His arguments for doing so made sense to him. The side effects of the medications include arthritis-type symptoms, nausea, being tired, being dizzy, feeling dead inside...and the number #1 with a bullet side effect - the knowledge that everytime took his pills, he was different. To a young man just starting university, seeing others his own age having fun, starting relationships, hitting the bars on Friday nights...no wonder so many young people stop taking their medications within a few years of diagnosis. We cannot imagine what that isolation must feel like.

And there's the logic: "I no longer feel bad because of the medication, so if I stop taking the medication, I will no longer feel bad."

Both times started a mental decline over a period of several weeks. The first time, he was still living a home and we caught it quite early. He had to spend 12 weeks in the mental ward.

The second time though - and this is where I HOPE the LW is reading and open to advice - he ended up being hospitalized for 18 MONTHS. His schooling, and the career he hoped to have, never really recovered from that. He's now a part-time crossing guard - he wanted to be an environmental scientist.

If you've been diagnosed with a mental illness, and a doctor has prescribed medications for you take - TAKE THEM. If you were a diabetic, would you stop taking your insulin? If your meds are causing bad side effects, get to your doctor and TELL him or her that the side effects are causing so much grief that you are considering tapering off - THAT will get their attention. LISTEN to them. In addition to your pdoc, get a therapist who specializes in the field. Try group therapy so you know you are not alone.

LW: You have a mental illness, and it's not going to go away. Even if I'm wrong on your diagnosis - perhaps you are bipolar, dysthymic, or suffering from a severe major depression...you have to take your medications. You risk losing EVERYTHING if you do not. A person charged with a felony has more rights and freedoms than a person under a 'hold' in a psychiatric ward. You can lose your freedom, your career, and any hope for a happy future if you refuse to co-operate with your doctors.

STOP feeling sorry for yourself, even if you have every right to. Your illness is not YOU. Work with the people who are there to help you and do not keep thinking it will all go away.

Think of it like a parasite in your head. You can't kill it, but the meds can act like a cage. Use the resources, allow others to help - but it all comes down to you. MAKE the decision to accept yourself as you are, and FIGHT.

Although I only agree with Cary about half the time, on this I give my full throated agreement: step one is check in with your psychiatrist. Grad school is tough enough. You want to be at your best.

In the mean time, I would say keep it to yourself as a matter of self-protection. For the most part, it isn't other people's business. Let them talk. They'll talk anyway. Weird is okay. Actually sick, not so much.

I speak from my personal experience. I went through a cutthroat science grad program. When I started, I was going through severe depression and anxiety disorder. I kept it hidden for the first year. I didn't confide in anyone until I joined a lab and I told my advisor-to-be. He asked if I was getting treatment. I said I was. He said that was all he needed to know, end of story. But he also advised me I could never use my circumstance as an excuse to underperform and I would get no sympathy ever telling my committee.

Another piece of advice: while on-campus psych and health services may be a good resource, also get external medical counsel. I learned this from another student who I met off-campus. XXXXX was bipolar. XXXXX did let the advisor know. And while he/she was productive (hyper), it was no problem. But when XXXXX cycled and the work wasn't flowing, the advisor blackballed her/him and blabbed it to other faculty. XXXXX tried to switch advisors but other faculty warned against it.

XXXXX was also using on-campus health services. At first they were supportive. But when XXXXX sought legal aid, a dean intervened. Not only did XXXXX get cut-off, they withheld and destroyed medical records. Completely illegal and there was a law suit. The university lost but XXXXX still couldn't get an advisor and ended up going outside the department to finish.

I realize it is a worst case scenario, but one worth being mindful of.

Best of luck.

--A sympathetic fellow traveler

Please take this advice and go immediately to your doctor. My best friend from the age of five did, when she diagnosed in a severe manic phase with bipolar in the middle of her PhD program in a creative field. She's now tenured and happy, and very busy working in that creative field.

It might slow you down, but who gives a shit. It won't kill your plans and goals if you take care of it. It will, if you don't.

1) Please, please, please, find meds that work well enough and take them -- for your sake and the sake of others -- your family, friends, colleagues, all the people out there who want you to be reasonably happy and functional in life.

2) BUT just because you have a medical condition (of any kind), doesn't mean you have to automatically tell people about it.

Once you put that information out there, you cannot take it back. And you cannot predict in advance how people will react. Many people have their own issues/prejudices about health problems, esp mental disabilities. It's esp problematic in the workplace: your boss/employer, or the professors who are overseeing your grad work.

If your condition is not relevant to the job requirements -- it's worth thinking twice before telling people at work (and I count grad school as work). You potentially have a lot to lose. It's too bad that this is how the world works, but that's the way it is.

Of course, if you really need an official "accomodation in your job conditions" (as they say in HR language -- a leave of absence, a re-do on key work product, change in the regular grad student process, etc.), then you have to tell your employer/supervisor.

But if you're just looking for them to cut you some slack, to be sympathetic, be more understanding of your weird behavior -- think twice before going into detail about exactly what has been "wrong" with you.

At most, you might say vaguely, "I've had this health thing going on recently and haven't been myself, but I'm starting to feel better" -- that's enough to gain sympathy without raising eyebrows.

It can become career-limiting (and socially isolating) when you're "out" as the resident "headcase" to your collegues and bosses. YMMV, of course.