But you've only been together for three months? Slow down. Ninety days is way too soon to be talking about love, especially since you're - what, 24? You have a lot more living to do.

There is no perfect love. It doesn't exist. People leave, and people die. The good news is you can train yourself out of expecting it, looking for it, and being disappointed when you don't get it. Cary had some good suggestions but it's important for you to understand that this change can only come from you. Your boyfriend will never be so perfect that his love assuages your doubts - you have to assuage them. So that you don't worry that he's cheating on you every time he's ten minutes late coming home.

You acknowledge that your insecurities played a role in ending your last relationship, and it's great that you see and recognize that. Those insecurities have to be addressed if you want a happy relationship with the new guy. They have to be addressed if you want a happy life, period. I'd go so far as to say that you're probably looking for another father (figure) - the guy who loved you unconditionally. Don't confuse your boyfriend with your father, either by expecting him to love you unconditionally, or by expecting him to abandon you.

Therapy is overprescribed, but in your case it would probably be helpful on a short-term basis, to figure out how you can eradicate this fear from your life. You need some concrete tools to rebuild your psyche, and a professional would be helpful. Just don't look to your boyfriend to fix you. Your boyfriend should not be involved in this other than to know that you have insecurities, you're working on them, and you'll try not to take them out on him.

What is the evidence her fears are unfounded? The probability is that this woman, like any other in America, WILL get divorced.

If she plans to marry and have kids, she should also plan for the kids leaving and the marriage ending.

That's reality in a post-moral throw-people-away world.

I worry about the LW sympathizing/empathisizing too much with her mother. A terrible thing happened to the mother, but it was a long time ago and very sad if the mother is still bitter and broken-hearted. The LW needs to be sure that she has the strength, self-confidence and means to eventually (after a grieving period of course) to move on if something like this ever happened to her. Bad things happen in life.

I like to choose 'mentors' - people I admire who have been through a similar circumstance (whatever it may be at the moment) and seem to have handled it well - as a motivating force or positive example to keep on keeping on when things seem difficult.

I too went through a teenage divorce with one parent abruptly leaving and I believe I have struggled with feelings of emptiness and fear of abandonment etc. At 45 years old I feel better than ever and it does not have to do with having a man in my life. It has to do with shaping my own. Now I feel more capable than ever of having a positive relationship.

Remember, you are loved, but don't forget to love yourself and try to love others without conditions or expectations.

Yes, the relationship is new and you are young, so some of these uncertainties will work themselves out.

You probably are prone to fear of abandonment and at risk for choosing a man like your mother chose. Sensible counseling can help that.

Remember, most of all, that YOU are the center of your power. You probably will be dumped a few more times in your life, just like the rest of us, before you settle down with someone. Also, the divorce rate is high, as someone mentioned (but just as many of those divorces are initiated by women as men, and the majority happen in the fist few years rather than after 30 years of a life together).

So if you are dumped some time in the future, you'll feel depressed and have to go through the stages of grieve, but, wih counseling, you can remember that you're still you, all your power is still with you, and you don't fade away if a lover choses someone else. You transcend all that. It's still depressing, but your center, your power, you sense of self isn't injured.

Don't give the power of defining that you're valid to someone else; you must always retain that for yourself.

Reading this letter brought me back to my experience with a terribly co-dependant relationship I was in for many years.

My ex was a child of divorce (at 8 years old) and had some major abandonment issues, and probably some more serious issues, as well, but the pattern is a familiar one- fear of being cheated on, abandoned, suspicious of everyone and everything, in need of constant validation, and suffering from perpetual victimhood.

I foolishly promised to never abandon, but after nearly 20 years of hell (infantile tantrums, broken glass, and physical assaults) , I finally found the strength to want off this island. His track record since, is 0 for 5. He managed to drive anyone and everyone out of his life the moment they got close.

You really need to see if this has been your pattern. If so, you may very well wind up bitter and alone like your mother, and with lots of unpleasant memories and guilt over the broken hearts and destroyed lives you helped create.

It won't be easy, but take that long, long look in the mirror. You deserve to be happy, but if you are anything like my ex, this problem may be way bigger that you dared imagine. Do it now.

Good luck!

"But you've only been together for three months? Slow down. Ninety days is way too soon to be talking about love."

I strongly disagree. I'm 33; in my experience, if you're not in love after 3 months of dating, then something's wrong. Being in love doesn't have to mean you've found your soulmate, but hopefully you've reached the level of intimacy that being "in love" confers.