Letters to the Editor
-
I was sympathetic
until she told the feminist "sisterhood" to go fuck themselves. If it weren't for feminism, probably her husband would have legal grounds to divorce her, take custody of the children, and maybe even put her to death by stoning.
Anyway, just another loser with her priorities in the wrong places, married to one of the same. It's just sex, people.
-
Why not just kill Doug?
If I were on a jury, I might be persuaded to write it off as justifiable homicide... The "necessity" defense and all that.
Then she could sell the story to Fox, and retire wealthy. Everybody wins -- 'cept Doug, but he doesn't sound like too nice a guy anyway.
-
Something's wrong here.
-
Sisterhood
That comment displays in a nutshell all that is wrong with attaching a letters feature to this column. Who now isn't aware that they're writing not just to Cary, but also to the dismissive and unempathetic chorus?
-
What state are these guys from?
These folks certainly have some strange tribal customs. Twelve years later, it appears, both the wife, the husband, and the former fuck buddy are still totally obsessed about a few weeks of, I suspect, unsatisfactory entry-level sex.
I think she should call Doug and tell him that she has hired a hit man who is waiting for the word to take him out if he goes through with his threat.
-
A little honesty...
I also think that there's something to be said for having a relationship based on honesty rather than on some bizarre idea of purity. Does this woman really want to go through the rest of her marriage with this horrible painful secret eating away inside of her? Yes, she screwed up, and quite spectacularly. But we all make stupid idiotic mistakes, especially when we're first exploring our sexuality. If her husband is indeed the great guy that she says he is, I would hope that he would be able to forgive her. It might take some time, but in the long run their relationship would probably be the better for it. At the very least, it might help her forgive herself. Going around filled with self-loathing is no way to live.
-
Respecting her husband as an individual.
Wow,
It's amazing how mean-spirited people can be towards those they love while fully engaging in behaviour that defies the concept and definition of that love, just to protect themselves.
All that strum and drang: pre-emptive language about her being condemned both by God and and her husband by feminists, all that cruelty in wishing another person would be killed, all that self beating herself up with sarcastic prose - all that dramatic noise, just so she can avoid the quiet thing she has to do. Which is tell a person she loves that she has been dishonest. And then stop trying to protect herself, and instead let the person make his own decision about what he wants. And then respect that decision, rather than trying to manipulate it.
Because that's what you do in love. You behave in a loving manner. You bear your heart with loving words that are based on respecting him, not protecting you. Perhaps she didn't then - well, you know, we all mess up at times. But she has a chance to now, and she's missing it.
So the problem is really about her behaviour now. Respect that what 'you could lose' by acknowledging it, and do it anyway. Because that's the gift you can give him now. Just take responsibility.
I wish her the courage she needs to do so.
-
She should lie to the religious wingnut...
If I didn't think that wingnut would still show up in his hairshirt, hoping for some prurient self-flagellation in front of his best friend, I'd tell her to just lie to wingnut and tell him she just told her husband, and that husband is likely to send wingnut off to his heavenly reward a whole lot earlier than expected if he still plans to show up...
Ok, now that I got that zany scheme off my chest... Yup, it's pretty awful that she lied, but this is not a relationship deal-breaker. Nothing an honest confession, and a few therapy sessions can't resolve.
But...
WHAT IS WITH THE WINGNUT ? ? ? ?
Is anyone else just SO SICK TO DEATH of right-wing fundamentalist/evangelical/ Talibaptist/born-again/whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-them religious freaks shoving their religion, political opinions, sexual repression, "there's a War on Christmas," joking idea of science, and everything else down our throats?
I am so amazingly FED UP with the fundies I could SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
drama queen
Look, I understand how much it absolutely sucks to have your own lies come back to bite you in the ass, but guess what - that's karma. You told a lie, you got caught. Would you really prefer lying to your husband for the rest of your life? Would you really prefer it if your marriage were so flimsy, if your love so shallow that it rests entirely on a fiction?
If he dumps you for having lied to him, well, then obviously honesty is important to him and you haven't been willing to give him that. If he dumps you for not having been a virgin, well then quite frankly, he needs to grow up in the first place. While I, too, love the idea of being my man's one and only, I also accept that as an adult, I am most likely not going to be his first, and because of my love for him, I accept that as reality. It's not Neanderthal to want that, but it is rather Neanderthal to insist on it to the exclusion of considering anything else.
Also, "the pain bearing down on me like a speeding train"? "Falling From the Sky, Watching the Ground Rush Toward Me"? It's not like you suddenly discovered that your husband is actually a serial killer. You didn't come home to find your husband dead on the floor. You didn't lie to him about your other husband and three children. You didn't even get caught cheating on him. While I understand that it's painful to be in this situation, it's by far NOT the worst thing that could ever happen to you. God only knows what sort of incredibly dramatic phrases you would write if one of those horrible things actually did happen to you.