Letters to the Editor
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Excusing the mistreatment of an animal?
I'm not excusing the mistreatment of an animal. My response was more of a response to people who wrote letters about this article rather than the LW herself. I was specifically responding to those people who indicated that that the LW was a bitch, and that obviously pets were a member of the family. I totally agree that she must live up to her responsiblity, but I don't think her mixed feelings mean she is coldhearted and soulless.
I don't think the LW should mistreat the animal. Has anyone suggested that she kill it, abuse it, or take out her frustrations on it? Even she doesn't want to euthanize it.
I was simply pointing out that it doesn't make her heartless to feel that caring for an animal in old age is a burden. People were surprised she didn't consider the dog a part of the family.
I even pointed out that she married her husband knowing she'd have responsiblity for an old dog. But I wanted to address those letter responses who seem to imply that people who consider animals lower than humans or not as deserving of their attention will also treat elderly parents or helpless children the same way. That is simply not true. There are many cultures where caring for children or the elderly is very important, but caring for animals is not.
DorianJoe pointed out that he considered his dog as much a member of his family as anyone else, and equal to humans. Yes, if you come from that point of view, it would be heartless. But there are tons of people out there who don't believe the same way. I know farmers who slaughter livestock who still consider animal cruelty bad. They feel its ok to kill their livestock humanely to use as food. But they would never dream of hurting or abusing animals for some kind of sick pleasure.
If my in-law's lovely yellow lab and an adult human I didn't know were drowning, and I only had time to save one, I would save the adult stranger. If it was just the yellow lab, I wouldn't say "oh, well, just a dog, don't have time to save it." I'd dive in, and grab the dog.
Its very frustrating reading these letter responses, and people seem to feel that this is all or nothing. Either you love animals equally to your family and you are a good person, or you don't consider animals equal to family, so that means you are going to toture animals and abandon your family. Why this all or nothing talk?
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an animal rescuer chimes in
"Dogs and cats are not people!
P.S.-My hat is off to the pet lover with the cat who seemed to understand that her partner was more important than an animal. You seem to be quite rare among pet lovers.
-- nicthommi [Premium Member]"
What a zoophobic, insensitive, shallow fool nicthommi is. Go to any pound, classified ad board, whatever, and you will see that people like nicthommi are a dime a dozen - and worth no more than that. Get a new boyfriend? (Yes, men are on a case-by-case basis more intolerant of their girlfriend's pets, and I've even seen them get downright aggressive and abusive about its-either-the-pet-or-me) and out goes the pet. New baby? Moving? Made an impulse at the pet shop? Out goes the pet. It happens all the time.
There may be irrational issues of control and/or helplessness with the LW. However, I'm not about to abuse her totally for some of the more callous turns of phrase she wrote because she does feel guilty (a signal she knows she's wrong) but also this: "I'm basically not comfortable with having another living being in the house who is treated so unequally" She has an appropriate ethical sense as well.
I wonder if her husband is responding to her laying on of "responsibilities" and "now is the time we eat!" and such by slacking off and being less repsonsible to the dog? Because no matter what, looking after the dog, by someone, anyone, has got to be done, and if Daddy gets scheduled by Mommy when he arrives home from work, then he's gonna kick off as soon as possible, and if he's tired, the dog gets short shrift, and someone, likely Mommy, still has to pick up the slack. Procrastination is prevalent because its rewards are immediate; rebellious procrastination has those rewards as well as the passive-aggressive vengeance angle. And almost everyone does it, men and women alike, in one area or the other of life.
I think the LW should get the kids ready in the morning by herself, no help from husband. I say this from experience: I run an rodent rescue and my ex- never lifted a finger to feed or clean cages or let them out to play, although he did play with them once they were out. People say "it must be so much work!" but I think it's comparable to having kids, and I have none, so why not? But I will say this about the ex, when I was busy tending the animals before going to work (1h15 between getting up and getting out the door), he'd sleep in an extra half hour, get ready for half and hour, and take the dog out for 15 minutes. It was very helpful. Now it takes me longer because I have to walk the dog alone (though my relationship with her has reblossomed and is teaching me about patience and play, something I forgot about with my ex). So while The LW can get the kids ready by herself, he can walk the dog, look after it fully, and get ready himself until he (if he does this) drives the kids whereever they need to go.
In the evenings, switch. As much as feasible, anyway. It's important to have shared projects, and family and pets are projects by which we improve our selves and our lives.
BTW, incontinence is not suffering. With my pets, some get hind-end paralysis in old age, so I have to clean them daily. But they are most affectionate, cuddly (they'll stay on the couch with you while watching a favourite show!), and vulnerable at that time - and I know when it's time to go when they take no more interest in eating or getting out of bed at the sound of my voice. If they need help to go, when they're suffering, I'll take them in. Some need to go in the space of an hour, which is always hard. Some the vet gives a sedative and painkiller so they come back home with me and their cagemates, and they just let go in a deep sleep, dreaming of carrots and seeds and woodchews and exploring. But most die around 2 AM on a Sunday, after spending a day and the night with me, which to me is like conferring a mutual blessing. Death is no longer a sad thing to me. It's an essential experience of life that is more universal and profound than birth.