I was in a relationship with a man who used his dog in some rather interesting ways. One time we were invited to spend a week with his friends who lived at the shore. We had visited them before, but this was the first time he brought his dog along. When we got there, his friends were livid. They had specifically asked him to leave the dog at home. We were to spend the week on their new sailboat and they did not want his dog -- badly housebroken at best -- to "christen" their new boat. He simply ignored them and carried the dog onto the boat. He did the same thing a few months later when they installed new carpeting in their home. I left him soon after that, so I don't know if they ever invited him again. I doubt it.

That brought me to the realization that for him the dog was a convenient weapon and also an excuse for not doing anything he didn't want to do. I'm generally an animal lover, but I was never able to develop much of a connection with her. Small wonder. As soon as I left him, he gave the dog away; I suppose she had served her purpose.

What made me think of this was LW's remarks about her husband not trying very hard to keep the dog's area clean, and the timing of the dog's walks to interfere with busy family times. I wonder if there isn't a problem between LW and her husband that goes beyond her problem with the dog.

When you married your husband, why didn't you adopt his dog, mentally and emotionally, as your own? If the poor old dog needs a walk in the mornings (and it's not doing that badly if it can walk) when you could use help dealing with the children, why has it never occured to you to switch off with your husband, let him care for the children one morning while you care for the dog?

It seems you've been wanting the dog to die since you first began dating, not able to stand anything that isn't about you-you-you. If you loved the dog, you'd put up with the smell, the same as you obviously did with your children. Or did you consider drowning them in the bath so you wouldn't have to change any more diapers?

If you're wondering if killing a dog for your convenience makes you a bad person, then yes. Yes, it does.

Love isn't about convenience.

I feel sorry for your husband, your children and the dog, but not in the least for you.

First of all, thank you Cary for an excellent response.

But people, people. Not all of us are animal types. I'm not. It's hard to see animals for what they are -- living creatures -- when we spent the rest of our time eating them after they've been killed in gruesome ways.

It takes reminding to be human, to have compassion. Go easy on the woman. She's obviously not a horrible person (she feels "mildly annoyed" and guilty as well.) Not all of us think pets deserve the same status as human beings.

A few weeks ago, a wife and mother was complaining about her stepchildren, and now a dog is the subject of reluctant ire. What's up with that?

It's a dog, not a person. If the husband isn't taking care of the poor thing or if he's letting it get in the way of doing his share of childcare (what a surprise) then she should insist that he either put it down or give it away to someone who can take care of it.

I am passionate about my cats but I certainly don't expect my partner to "adopt" them as her own and, since she is slightly repulsed by their mess, I know enough not to let things get out of hand around the house. And our relationship is more important than those cats, sorry! I think pet ownership is a cultural thing and allowing animals inside the house with all their messes is a foreign concept to many people, even within the U.S. ...

I love my dog dearly - and over time, my wife has come to love him as well - though I take the full responsibility for his care and ask her politely if and when I can't be there to help - I also will make a deal with my wife that if she'll take Mr. Buck for a walk, I'll sometimes do something extra special for her. As much as I distrust non-doggers, I agree that not all people are dog people (though, why, I can't imagine). Of course, this is not about the dog - this is about a lack of communication and deal making between two partners. If wife is distressed about the dog, then husband aught to do something special for her - it is his dog after all. And husband should have made it very clear that his dog stays until the very end...

Sounds to me like there is something else going on here ... I think LW might need to focus more on her own life and try to enjoy it more, or honestly look into possible other issues she has with her husband. Its a challenging time when the kids are little but it goes so quickly. As well, the dog will not be around for long. Relax.

>>the long walks in the evening didn't interfere with any responsibilities my husband had>>

this statement sorta sums up the tone I get from the entire letter, that this woman wants to be the boss of her husband (granting HIM permission to take a walk after dinner as long as it doesn't interfere with any of his responsibilities!), and she doesn't like that the dog intereferes with her run as king of the hill.

In a marriage, there is a union and cooperation, but there are still 2 individuals with some autonomy. Any spouse should be able to take their dog for a walk without getting permission from the other spouse.

Euthanizing a dog when s/he is suffering is humane.

Putting a dog down when it's inconvenient is cruel.

If the dog is only incontinent, it is not suffering and should not be put down. The vet will monitor him and let you know when he's suffering.

Perhaps some couples counseling can help work out these control issues.