Oh yeah--and next time, get fish. ;)

Cary, thanks for another moving advice. To anyone wanting to become more intimate what being a dog is, I recommend "Timbuktu" by Paul Auster. It will take only a few hours to read. You will probably not look at a dog the same way after that.

May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.

And may your dog be ever continent by your side.

Having re-read the original letter, I'm afraid I have to agree with Gina S. God forbid that poor man should ever develop health problems later in life. Perhaps it would be a blessing in disguise, he'd soon be rid of the wife and could get another dog. But for the time being might I add to other people's suggestions: try a product called Nature's Miracle (an enzymatic anti-odor agent) and perhaps get an air filter with activated carbon for the wife's new apartment.

Seriously, though, I have a few friends whose mates seem to be notably lacking in compassion; whenever I talk to one of them it makes me glad I'm single and living with my unfailingly affectionate and occasionally stinky pets.

I know that not everyone is an animal person, but here is another way to view things. Even humans, at the beginning of live, hopefully wanted and loved, can be messy and inconvenient. And, barring sudden and/or early death, we are often messy and inconvenient at the end. We depend on the kindness of our loved ones, ideally, to deal with these times. Your letter writer doesn't have to love, or even understand, this poor aged dog. Maybe it is time for euthanasia; maybe not -- her husband must decide this. But I hope she can find it in her heart to remember that love and life are not always simple and convenient. We have to deal with the difficulties as well as the good times; it's simply part of life. A pet is a dependent, like a child; unlike a child, a pet never grows up and strikes out on its own, to succeed (or fail) on its own. As long as we have such dependents, we owe them the best that we have. This is a temporary situation for your letter writer; I advise her to face it with grace and understanding, and perhaps to think of how she would want her own child treated. Don't all creatures deserve to be treated with respect? The hallmark of a truly civilized society...

Wow. That's some cold-hearted shit you dish out. You don't mention whether you love your husband. If you do, you might want to take his feelings into account. Although I don't know how you could live with this dog for so long and not feel empathy for her as another living being. Here's hoping things work out for those kids of yours, mommy dearest.

This is probably why i'm not an advice columnist, because i'd have advised her to shove cinnamon sticks up her nostrils and try to develop some compassion.

If I'm old and weak and have no control over my bladder or bowels, then I could only HOPE that someone who loved me enough to notice and care would put ME out of my misery.

I watched an ex keep (what used to be) one of 'our' cats alive when it was obvious this poor creature was so sick and was suffering every moment - all because HE couldn't deal with putting her to sleep. He keep pretending everything would be OK if he pretended everything was OK. It wasn't - that cat suffered for months. Seeing a previously dignified, strong, arrogant creature in such a sad state...it was an INSULT to her. My ex and I broke up on very good terms - but I have not forgiven him for his cowardice when she needed him.

The hardest part of being a pet owner is knowing when it's time to let them go. Would you want to spend the end of your life with no dignity, pissing yourself and not knowing which way is up? Sometimes death is a kindness - especially if it's quick, without pain, and in the arms of someone who loves you. To end suffering. We can rarely offer each other this gift, but we can do this for our beloved pets.

LW's husband (as Cary suggested) needs to take his dog to the vet and he needs to have a serious, no-bull conversation with her(him).

It's about the quality of life. Why would a person subject a friend - even a furry one - to something he would not want to go through himself towards to the end of his life?

I would place great emphasis on a good veterinary evaluation for the dog. Animals can have bacterial or nonbacterial cystitis, just like people, and emotional stress or allergies can trigger the latter. A medical explanation or solution may be relatively easy to obtain. In the interim, go shopping: Drs. Foster & Smith veterinary supply offers a great many products to tame the stink.

In my household, we have nursed an ancient cat and dog through an incontinent end-of-life phase. The cat was mine, the dog my companion's. Both animals lived to be very old and developed kidney failure in extreme old age. When accidents happened in front of visitors, we'd clean up as quickly as possible, light a candle to kill the reek, and explain to the visitor that Skinx or Amos was nineteen years old, ill, and couldn't help himself. Both animals were euthanized after a point - not because they messed the floor, but because both reached the stage where their lives were, as best we could tell, pain with very little emotional compensation, even with very steady and affectionate care and guardianship from us. The point at which euthanasia is right is a subjective issue requiring soul-searching on the part of the person who is affectionately attuned to the animal. Both of us in the household made a point of not pressuring the other about her/his sick animal and did what we could to help each other with the situation.

The letter writer has an issue we didn't, being pregnant, though she should bear in mind that babies excrete freely and can produce a reek as evil as any that a sick old animal produces. This is particularly true of bottle-fed babies.

I hope she won't be hasty with a terminal solution. That dog may have a bladder infection that a week of antibiotics will fix, or a pelvic floor problem that could be repaired by surgery. If emotional stress is the problem, tranquilizers or an SSRI like Prozac may help or entirely solve the problem. Even if there's no easy fix, I hope the letter writer can find the wherewithal to be as kind as possible. If there is a God Who cares about human beings and assesses their conduct in this life, He probably pays particular attention to how we behave with helpless and vulnerable beings of other species as well as our own.