the dog is very old; believe me, they're not out romping around that much.

Old dogs can't walk much. You take then out, try to get them to walk and do their business and then you go back inside. They're not running around chasing cats all night long, we're talking 15 minutes AM, PM.

What happens when the child vomits on the new carpet, or has an "accident" in his clothing? Is she going to put the child to sleep as well? There are products to neutralize the smell of dog urine and help with the incontinence. Maybe her husband isn't trying all he can, but it's not HIS problem. It's HERS. HER discomfort. HER whining. HER selfishness. If there were not children involved, I'd advise him to leave her. When you marry someone, you take on their whole life. Dogs and other inconveniences are part of that. Deal with it.

Things can be done (as I and other letter writers have suggested) to deal with the urine. Why DOES the LW seem to resent time spent caring for the dog? Especially since it's such a small amount of time.

Or conversely, why doesn't she throw the kids in a stroller or whatever and take walks WITH her husband and the dog?

Maybe I'll be accused of being a bitter old spinster or something, but all I can say is that my dogs have reliably outlasted my boyfriends, and have proven significantly more reliable and less expensive. Hoping the current BF will prove me wrong about this, but I have been perfectly frank with him about it--the dogs predated him, they MAY outlast him, and so being asked to "get rid" of them will not happen. It would be like me telling him he could never see his kids because I resented the time spent with them.

"It's the fact that LW resents the little time husband spends on the dog which led me to believe she's selfish and that it's not really about the dog."

How do we know how much time the husband is spending on the dog? I can completely understand being resentful if I were a working mother with several kids, including a new baby, and whenever I needed help, my husband was out with the dog.

Maybe when they were a young newlywed couple with no kids, it was fine to spend lots of time walking and playing with the dog. But it seems that just as their responsibilities have increased - taking care of these kids and such - her husband is contributing less and instead using the dog as an excuse.

And any of you who think it's no big deal to live in a house that smells of urine all the time - I highly recommend that you try it for a few days and then see if you still think she's being petty.

It's the fact that LW resents the little time husband spends on the dog which led me to believe she's selfish and that it's not really about the dog.

Also, her thinking she has the right to approve how her husband spends all his free time, stating that early on, walking the dog was OK with her because it wasn't interfering with her husband's other responsibilities. Geeze, is he the office intern with a long list of peon duties? She's a controller who thinks she the boss intead of a co-partner. Can you imagine being her husband and asking permission to watch a football game or read a book?

The dog is the least of this family's worries.

To the person whose dog is incontinent-- PLEASE take the dog to the vet. Our dog developed incontinence and giving her a pill once a day (Proin) has cured it completely. This might be a behaviorial issue, but if it is a medical one, and so easily resolved, you really owe it to your husband and the dog to make her last years as comfortable as possible.

"Dogs and cats are not people!

P.S.-My hat is off to the pet lover with the cat who seemed to understand that her partner was more important than an animal. You seem to be quite rare among pet lovers.

-- nicthommi [Premium Member]"

What a zoophobic, insensitive, shallow fool nicthommi is. Go to any pound, classified ad board, whatever, and you will see that people like nicthommi are a dime a dozen - and worth no more than that. Get a new boyfriend? (Yes, men are on a case-by-case basis more intolerant of their girlfriend's pets, and I've even seen them get downright aggressive and abusive about its-either-the-pet-or-me) and out goes the pet. New baby? Moving? Made an impulse at the pet shop? Out goes the pet. It happens all the time.

There may be irrational issues of control and/or helplessness with the LW. However, I'm not about to abuse her totally for some of the more callous turns of phrase she wrote because she does feel guilty (a signal she knows she's wrong) but also this: "I'm basically not comfortable with having another living being in the house who is treated so unequally" She has an appropriate ethical sense as well.

I wonder if her husband is responding to her laying on of "responsibilities" and "now is the time we eat!" and such by slacking off and being less repsonsible to the dog? Because no matter what, looking after the dog, by someone, anyone, has got to be done, and if Daddy gets scheduled by Mommy when he arrives home from work, then he's gonna kick off as soon as possible, and if he's tired, the dog gets short shrift, and someone, likely Mommy, still has to pick up the slack. Procrastination is prevalent because its rewards are immediate; rebellious procrastination has those rewards as well as the passive-aggressive vengeance angle. And almost everyone does it, men and women alike, in one area or the other of life.

I think the LW should get the kids ready in the morning by herself, no help from husband. I say this from experience: I run an rodent rescue and my ex- never lifted a finger to feed or clean cages or let them out to play, although he did play with them once they were out. People say "it must be so much work!" but I think it's comparable to having kids, and I have none, so why not? But I will say this about the ex, when I was busy tending the animals before going to work (1h15 between getting up and getting out the door), he'd sleep in an extra half hour, get ready for half and hour, and take the dog out for 15 minutes. It was very helpful. Now it takes me longer because I have to walk the dog alone (though my relationship with her has reblossomed and is teaching me about patience and play, something I forgot about with my ex). So while The LW can get the kids ready by herself, he can walk the dog, look after it fully, and get ready himself until he (if he does this) drives the kids whereever they need to go.

In the evenings, switch. As much as feasible, anyway. It's important to have shared projects, and family and pets are projects by which we improve our selves and our lives.

BTW, incontinence is not suffering. With my pets, some get hind-end paralysis in old age, so I have to clean them daily. But they are most affectionate, cuddly (they'll stay on the couch with you while watching a favourite show!), and vulnerable at that time - and I know when it's time to go when they take no more interest in eating or getting out of bed at the sound of my voice. If they need help to go, when they're suffering, I'll take them in. Some need to go in the space of an hour, which is always hard. Some the vet gives a sedative and painkiller so they come back home with me and their cagemates, and they just let go in a deep sleep, dreaming of carrots and seeds and woodchews and exploring. But most die around 2 AM on a Sunday, after spending a day and the night with me, which to me is like conferring a mutual blessing. Death is no longer a sad thing to me. It's an essential experience of life that is more universal and profound than birth.