I had to laugh out loud reading Cary's response to this one, partly because it was unusually harsh for him, and partly because it was pretty much dead on. I'm also a guy in his early 30s, and have also had to overcome some naiveté about Gender Issues (after being somewhat of an idealist in this area in my 20s). I even read all that Mars & Venus stuff trying to figure it all out, fer cryin' out loud.

Here's a slighly more loving way of translating what Cary said:

Relationships, between friends, spouses, colleagues, races, countries - anything involving more than one person - are DIFFICULT. Everyone feels entitled to screw each other in one way or another to come out on top of what they perceive as a competitive situation, and will grasp every opportunity to do so, UNLESS THEY MATURE beyond that level of thinking. This is a matter of individual choice. Men can react to 'man-hating' trends by 'woman-hating' if they like. Or they can seek more mature company. All you're really seeing is that you need to watch less sit-coms, hang out with more interesting women, and put up with no less B.S. than any other self-respecting human being.

The problem with women today is that they're people.

It is unclear from this man's letter whether he wants to solve the root problems that are making the women around him irate, or whether he just wants the women to stop being shrill and irritable. If it is the former case, then bully for him. It warms my heart when men actually step up to the plate and ask how they can help fight the battles that feminists have had to fight alone for so long.

If it is the latter case, well, sorry dude, but sometimes women have genuine grounds for complaint. You cite Broadsheet for sniping. Don't you think that's just a little dismissive of the important issues that blog brings up? You say that a lot of women are really angry. Yes some complaints and angry t-shirts contribute unduly to the hosility between the sexes, but there are also people who have real reasons for being angry. I would rather have a more cantankerous society and allow the righteous complaints to come to the surface than to have everybody just "chill out" and have those complaints get buried in the name of peace.

The LW is concerned because of "angry messages on T-shirts, anti-male sitcoms on TV, sniping articles on Broadsheet" -- and a sense that the women he knows are angry at men. As a possible reason, he concedes that women may face "many face tough decisions that men do not" -- but he never considers that men might be responsible for the anger of women.

Cary is right, of course, that his idea of "angry women" is abstract and unreal, but the LW seems clueless about the origin of anger in person or in the media. Maybe there are blogs and t-shirts that express anger because women are legitimately pissed about sexism, attacks on their reproductive rights, and the treatment they receive from men on a daily basis.

So as a woman, here is my advice -- stop blaming women for "relations between the sexes" and stop taking it personally when you see an "anti-male" blog or sitcom. (Not even quite sure what that means.) You can be part of the problem, by complaining that women are too bitter and telling them to be nicer to men...

Or you can actually help by understanding the reasons behind the anger that you perceive. If you agree with a woman that she has a right to be angry, if you listen to her frustrations without telling her she shouldn't feel the way she does -- then you will not be a target of her anger. Because you will be one of the men who understands, instead of one of the men who is oppressing her.

In other words, you can help by recognizing your own male privilege. Women are angry 1) men who directly oppress them, and 2) men who don't recognize that sexism is still a problem. Don't be those men. Be the man who wants women to get angry because you want things to be better for women in the world. This will improve your individual relations with women.

But you can be understanding of a position instead of acting like everyone who disagrees with you on a certain point is out to harm all of wo/man kind. Sorry but this guy has a point, and it's not based off of watching too many sitcoms (*gag*), alot of it's based off of the public forums from which people speak. Broadsheet is for "real" women, not "sitcom" women, right? So what kind of message does it send to men when these "real" women, supposed feminists fighting for equal rights, completely flip around when the issue of men's rights pops up? It tells men that women have no interest in equal rights or an equal share in power, just a shift of power preferably into their hands. And if you truly believe there's no such thing as a cultural mentality, I've got a bridge in NYC I'd like to sell you.

Ya'll also say "Don't take it personally, try to be understanding." Hey, we do understand, that's not the issue, your anger at the world and the sexist pigs is running off and hitting those of us who are trying to help you. Last I checked, that's a form of abuse to vent frustration on those who aren't the cause. There are more men than you want to admit who want to help out and reach a compromise that makes everybody happy, of course you would know this if you weren't too busy kneeing them in the balls because they step slightly out of line with your ideology.

Also, the comment "feminists have been fighting all on their own," truly makes me believe that some of the feminists here like to view themselves as victims a little too much. It's also comments like those which piss off men, especially alot of liberal men who fight vehemently for equal rights any chance they get. So you'll have to excuse some men for taking it personally when they don't get noticed for the civil rights work that they do and are also lumped in with the sexist pigs all so women can "vent."

"Why can't you be more understanding that I'm kneeing you in the balls because the sexist pigs are making my life hell?" Gee, cuz I ain't one of them maybe?