Letters to the Editor
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On the bright side...
It's better that you find out your boyrfriend is a sexist, insensitive, insecure, hypocritical asshole before you do something crazy like marry him or even invest a minute more in the relationship. It's one thing to take pause when hearing about your love's past, but to get angry and expect her to change? I can't believe the writer is even allowing this conversation to happen!
I am of an age where I know a lot of unhappily married people and I wager that a lot of the reasons people are in thos marriages is because they ignored the warning signs. Heed the red flag!
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ditto and some
What everyone here said PLUS I'll go a step further and say there's a small chance this manipulative controlling emotional abuser could escalate to a physical abuser.
Get out now.
He needs to control every aspect of your sexuality and is irrationally jealous. What happens when to talk nicely to the bagboy at the grocery store and he insanely accuses you of flirting with him? Will he yell? Will he push? Will he hit?
Abusive control rarely starts off with full-blown beating (else, almost all women would not go on a second date with these guys). These guys start off being super loving, take it up a notch to flatteringly jealous, then escalate to angry jealously, control, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, hitting, killing.
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age
this guy's gotta be about 19, right?
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this is a question i won't even answer any longer...
a lesson i learned the hard way by telling a new boyfriend, ten years ago, what the number was when he asked. the number was low, VERY LOW, but higher than his. and all of a sudden my sweet and tender boyfriend, whom i had yet to sleep with, told me he was shocked and disturbed because i'd been telling him all along how sacred and serious i found sex to be, and that i am very picky about whom i sleep with because i find it so sacrosanct. (sp?)
needless to say, this conversation was the first "clue" that the guy was, among other things, insecure, depressed, sociopathic, unhappy, a prevaricator, someone mentally ill with a mean streak a mile long. glad i found this out within the first few months. sadly, i'd slept with him at this point.
this is a question i won't ever, ever answer again. i don't care how wonderful and amazing and perfect any man i'm dating is again; if he's nuts, i'll lern about it soon enough. i'd rather not find out in this same manner again because the scars run deep.
the moral: dump the boyfriend. now.
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And while he's at the sea...
tell him to drown himself!
Why do we forget that relationships are supposed to make us feel good about ourselves? You've lost your perspective. This man is an idiot and you've entertained him far too long. Next time he says something, tell him to leave. Better yet, leave him today. Trust me, in a couple months you'll see what the rest of us see.
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My boyfriend can't handle my past
I'm a guy and know these questions are traps that have no good answer. In sum, your boyfriend is weak and it's none of his business anyway. And you're kind of stupid for allowing the question to even become an issue. And Cary shouldn't facilitate this kind of discussion by validating your boyfriend's sensitive highschooler feelings. If you don't dump this guy at least temporarily right away, he'll feel justified in bringing it up for as long as you're together. Right now he thinks you're slutty. If you don't break up he'll think you're slutty and weak.
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I dated a version of this guy
And I'm still trying to deal with it, over three years after we broke up.
I dated this guy for about a year. My family loved him, my friends were happy with him, finally I was dating a non-jerk, or so we all thought. But he kept making me feel guilty about my past, even though up to that point, most of my sexual experiences were at the hands of abusive f***tards. He was a virgin and his purity issues extended to other parts of his life - he only wanted champagne at his wedding, no bar. Whatever.
Anyway, no one - ever - should make you feel guilty about your past. You can feel guilty on your own and try to resolve it on your own, but the minute anyone goes out of their way to make you feel guilty about yourself, they should be out. Good luck!
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Dump His Sorry Ass!
Yet again, Cary Tennis has provided a namby-pamby answer that doesn't tell the advice seeker what she needs to hear. The only thing to do in a situation like this is to dump the controlling, obnoxious jerk immediately, run, and never look back. She may think she loves him, but he certainly doesn't love her; what he "loves" is a fantasy of him planting his flag in virgin territory and claiming command. YUCK!
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I believe the saying is something about a pot and a kettle?
Your boyfriend is a hypocrite. Where does he get off acting all holier than thou about things he has done himself? You owe him no understanding toward his feelings about this matter. If he cannot see how ridiculous he is being about this, just imagine other conflicts that will inevitably arise in the future. It's next to impossible to reason with a hypocrite. You should not commit yourself to a relationship with someone with whom you cannot reason. Ergo, my advice would be to lose the guy.
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This guy may be dangerous.
As one or two others have said, this guy may turn dangerous, because there are tell-tale signs already of a morbid possessiveness. Clearly the lady should end the relationship before it goes sour.
Being now in my fifties with decades of dating, marriages, relationships, quickies, LTRs etc. under my belt, I can tell all you younger folks that the number of people you have had sex with is a total irrelevancy. A woman with one previous partner is possibly a better bet than one with a hundred, because the latter figure suggests instability in relationships, but it doesn't sound like this is the guy's concern here.
In fact sex is not really the most important factor in relationships. Children and money are. You can have good sex with anyone.