I can't believe this shit. You my dear are a "cunt".

Good god man, whats the matter with you ?

To Reluctant - I'd apologise on the behalf of all man for Scotts abdomible behaviour only he's not a man, its a asshole that can type.

My grandparents were married for almost 60 years. They loved each other very much, and from what I know, lived together only briefly during their marriage. As far as anyone could tell, they were quite happy that way. So though it may seem strange, and may not be everyone's (or most people's) cup of tea, it can work for the right people in the right situation.

If you do choose to pursue living apart, you might want to first consult a lawyer to see how that would affect the legal status of your marriage. I haven't looked into this extensively, but I understand that in some places the simple fact of living apart is considered grounds for divorce. In some contexts, "separated" is considered a different marital status than "married." I am not saying this to try to convince you to stay living together, just to bring your attention to another aspect of the situation that you should take into account. If you found yourself in a Schiavo situation or some other disaster, the last thing you'd need is not to be considered each other's next of kin just because you need your space.

My husband and I have been married for over ten years, and spend parts of each week alone. While we initially moved in together in a (large) city that was new to both of us, after several years we rented a small weekend cottage in a rural area several hours away.

I grew up in the country, and had always found the urban environment exhausting; he grew up in a city, and loves the energy. After a few months of weekending together in the country, then working all week in the city, I lost my job. I took the opportunity to start spending more and more time in the cottage, and was able to start a small business in that area. He continues to work in the city, but has a flexible schedule.

So each week we spend a few days together in one place or the other, and a few days apart, doing our own thing. It is delightful! I do creative work that flows best when I am alone. I love silence and solitude and not having to plan the day with someone else. He can work at all hours, and be completely absorbed in the task at hand without distraction. We both can spend time with friends without "taking away" from time together.

Yet on the days we spend together, it feels like we are dating again. We cook together, work on household projects, read to each other, explore, hike, garden, see movies... our relationship feels fresh each time we see each other again.

For us, the change happened slowly, and evolved naturally. I do think it would be a difficult setup to propose outright, especially after only seven months of marriage, and having children might make it quite challenging, and perhaps impossible. But in the right circumstances it can work.

Why not have one house with two separate entrances and living spaces, or a duplex in which each partner has a separate apartment? You own the house jointly and legally, so that the issue of "separation" doesn't come up.

As I understand it, the writer Robert B. Parker and his wife Joan Parker have done something quite like this for some years now, and happily.

I think it's safe to assume that if you marry someone and then don't want them around but want to see them a few times a week to get laid they will wonder why you married them.

I sympathise with the letter writer's plight. But it's only

been seven months, and life has a funny way of working things out.

I'm married. I often miss living alone, though less so as time

goes on (it's been two years), and for many of the reasons that

Cary extends on in his response. The experience of merging

consciousness (how do you make that a plural?) is part of

marriage, and that hello in the morning sometimes interrupts

a nightmare that wants waking out of. Anyway, when I think about

being alone, I try to devise ways to do it (trips, perhaps) and

then I remember that if our lives correspond to the statistical

norm he'll drop dead before me anyway, and I'll have my space

back. It's a sobering thought, really.

I have friends that wanted to be a couple, but didn't want to share living space. So they bought a duplex. One lives on one side, the other lives on the other side. They are close, and can see each other and be together whenever they want. But they are separate, and can be apart whenever they want.

This might be the perfect solution.

LW, I'm sorta like you, but maybe not as much. I've been married 14 months after 43 years of singlehood, so there was some adjustment required. Cary describes the psyche well, one's sense of self being inside one's head and being disjointed by interruptions.

How it works for me: at times I've explained that I need quiet time and that his loving moves can interrupt my calm. So he gives me a little space when I get home from work and need to decompress, and when I'm first reading in bed at night and need to tone down to a relaxed state for sleep.

It also helps he has an engaging hobby so we both have lots of alone personal time while being comforted by being nearby each other.

I agree, a duplex could be a great solution, but give yourself a little more time to adjust. You husband will be very busy with his school, so you'll enjoy a lot of "you" time.

(btw, I think the first antagonistic poster is scared by self-sufficient women.)