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Kids at 4 and 8 have no business hearing about a drug deal going bad that results in murder. The 4 year old is trying to remember to use the potty by themselves and the 8 year old is starting to suspect that there is something fishy going on about this Santa Claus thing. To suggest they are ready to hear the truth about drugs and murder is assinine and moronic.
I feel for the parents, but this should not be discussed in front of children. If the grieving family cannot spend time with children and avoid this topic of conversation, perhaps they should avoid children for the holidays. The mother has every right to protect her children from such discussions and anybody who suggests she is being selfish is full of it.