Letters to the Editor
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Reading Comprehension 101
Here is Cary's advice:
"Then, without being too doctrinaire or starchy about it, let your in-laws know that if the topic comes up, say, at the dinner table where children are present, you are going to ask that it not be discussed in front of the children, and that if it is discussed, you are going to remove the children from the room. Tell them this in advance as a courtesy, so that if you should quietly get up and take the children, they will understand why."
What does this paragraph mean:
1. Ask the relatives not to discuss in front of children in a polite manner. They not being told to not talk about the situation at all, in fact Cary makes a point in his first paragraph that the adults involved should talk about the tragedy as much as they need to together without children around.
2. If the relatives want to talk in front of the children, then it is the LW's responsibility to remove the children without disturbance to the grieving relatives.
3. Let the relatives know about your plan for the kids ahead of time so you don't appear rude and so they know what's going on.
As far as CosmicMojo comment that holiday dinner is an adult situation, obviously the relatives know that they are inviting over young family members for the holidays, thus making dinner NOT AN ADULTS ONLY ENVIRONMENT. Perhaps my example of bringing kids to an R rated movie was not accurate. Instead it's more like showing an R rated movie during dinner at the local Applebees.