I rejoice with you that things are going so well with the kids. AND that you and R have found each other. Hooray on all those fronts! And fingers crossed for the school selection.

When I read your plans to move so fast, I felt DREAD. (1) I know how hard it is to "uproot" kids. Unless they're bred for it (parents in military etc.) it's an adjustment. High school is such an important time. (2) I know how VERY different 'dating' and 'living together' are, especially once one has lived a bit and has preferences and habits.

Seven months isn't that long - you're still in the glowy phase.

My story: I lived in an allegedly more desirable area but I moved so my (female) partner's daughter could stay put through high school. It's only six more years. My only regret is that I burned too many bridges in the move, reducing our options for later. My advice would be for R to rent his house for 1 year and move in with you and see how that felt for both of you. Not ideal, not romantic, but get through the time when the glow wears off before you decide to uproot the kids. Right now I worry he's having things too much his way.

As a sister feminist I support your right to have the wedding YOU want. Once you've sorted out the rest of this, it'll have been worth waiting for. And the kids will WANT to be in it. Best of luck!

Don't move. Don't force a new family on your kids. They might like him a lot, but living with the guy is a whole different story. It doesn't mean just adding a new family member. It means losing the old family -- the three of you -- and forming a brand new one, one in which mom and R have a separate thing that doesn't really include them. Wait the four years for their sake.

Plus, not to put a big damper on the joy of new love, but the guy's been divorced twice already. The statistics do not predict that the third time's the charm. That doesn't mean it couldn't be, but to me that is ample reason to move VERY slowly.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you and your kids.

Chances are, the LW's daughters don't care whether or not their school is ranked in the top 10, but they will care about whether or not they get to be with their friends. My parents moved when I was 16, and I was miserable for two years -- miserable on the inside, miserable to be around. During that time, I was bitter and cruel toward my family because I felt so lonely, and because I felt that my entire life had been ripped from me without my consent.

The LW's daughters might be more resiliant than I was, but there is a very good chance that they will hate being the new kids at the new school. They might take it out on their mother's new husband, who would be the obvious reason for the move. But even if they understand and vow to soldier on, they will be unhappy, and this will affect your lives together.

Cary is absolutely right about this one -- don't screw it up. It's a great sign that your kids are warming up to him, but that could all change if you uproot them from their lives.

I can sympathize completely with "Happy"'s excitement and elation at this point in her life. It's wonderful to be in love, and nothing can compare to that feeling of being right on the brink of a new and wonderful and glorious phase of life!

I would recommend to "Happy" (and possibly the gentleman the other day who was in love with a prostitute) that they might need to spend some time listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the radio. Her sound, consistent advice is also available in numerous books and on her web site.

Here's what Dr. Laura would say, and here's what it boils down to: "Happy" needs to put on the brakes regarding "R" and focus on her kids and their needs until they get out of high school and out of the house. They are her first responsibility. By that time, maybe "R"'s reluctance to make a commitment will be a thing of the past, and the two of you can share years of pleasure with each other. Cary's advice is right on!

Yes, MOVE.

Four years??! The kids can go to school anywhere.

Do keep your money separate for sure.

I've always been grateful that as a kid I learned to be cheerful and adaptable.

Why is it you're the one who has to move when he's alone with no real responsibilities regarding his area, e.g. kids? If he's not a city person, tough, he can deal with it for four years if it's that important to him. Also, am I the only one who's disgusted by the fact that this woman would sacrifice her kids' educations over this? Even if it's just a slight downgrade, it's pretty f-ing selfish to deny your kids the best.

He gives great advice. If your relationship is going to last, if it's meant to be, then four years is not that much time. Really. To your kids, however, if you uproot them and ruin the good thing they've got going now, four years will be forever (remember how long one year seemed when you were 14?).

Please take Cary's advice. Be happy with what you have, because it's a lot. Four years will go by before you know it.

I made the move you are imagining.

I ruined a good thing.

Lost the relationship.

Screwed up the kids education.

Screwed up the relationship with the kid, who now claims that she rated lower than the lover. Which though it should have been true, was not true.

Get the kids through school.

In the long run, the four years will be well spent, and seem short.

If he/you cannot manage this difficulty for four years, then that in itself speaks to the weakness and impulsivity of the relationship, which in turn speaks to the lack of stability, and lack of reasonable expectation of it being long lasting.

Please, slow down, savor what you have, give it time to grow strong and prove its worth and value- think of a grapevine which must be sturdy to produce good fruit, while allowing the kids to come to fruition thru thier education without uprooting and weakening them.