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• Monday, December 5, 2005 07:35 AM

  Kids First

  I have been both the uprooted child and the divorced mother (of three) - dewy eyed in love and ready to move heaven and earth for a man.

  I have spent 30 plus years trying to heal and move on from my mother's actions. We were moved in the middle of the school year quite a distance from our home, away from grandparents who had been a huge part of our daily lives and best friends to a town that was very different. We stopped going to the summer place we had always gone to. Vacations and weekends involved step-sisters and brothers who were not always pleasant. Meanwhile my mother was head over heels and seeing everything through a kind of drug-like fog.

  In my current life, fortunately (with hindsight), the relationship with the man did not work out. I am putting my kids first. Though it is hard at times, it feels like the right thing to do and I am happy about that. In a way I am healing myself and I am stronger for my children as a result.

  Please, "Should I", if you and R are truly in love, it shouldn't be necessary to rush into anything. Take care of your kids while they are with you. They need you more than you think and adding someone to your household will change the dynamics and your relationship with them. Seven months is not very much time to really get to know someone iinside and out, good days and bad. I know you've been alone and its been hard, but you've come so far - don't throw it away now.

  —farafield Read farafield's other letters
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