I went on this website to get some support for myself because I have always struggled feeling like I should love my step chlidren when I don't have those feelings. Your letter was very helpful to me because you had the courage to be brutally honest. You took alot of flack for it, I read some of your other responses. I hope that doesn't stop other people from sharing their true feelings.

It's work to be a step parent! I feel for my step kids because of what they've been through, but being the one who steps in after their parents had split was no picnic either. We dont know what we are getting into until we are in it. Why do 50% of all marriages fail? because of that very reason so to all the writers who told you that you should have known what you were getting into, they are way out of line.

Now you are a mother yourself, and you understand what unconditional love is. We can't create it just because we want to!! Anyways, I'm sure you are sick of all the feedback by now, after all there are 25 pages of it! I hope you have found some helpful advice in all of it....good luck Cary!

I can totally relate. My husband's ex is a crackpot. I HATE her & I don't hate anyone. SHe has wreaked havoc in our live by being a horrible mother, being a bitter vengeful person & pulling every trick in the book to make our life hell. THe kids can be hellions. There are 3 of them. They come over, are loud, mess up the ENTIRE house, are rude & fresh & teach my kids horrible things. It's peaceful with only my 3 kids. I feel resentful also. I know I married him, but the kids are SOOOO much work for me & make my life hell. No one but a stepmom can understand. We have to deal with all this CRAP that NO ONE takes care of but us! I'm worn out &n sick of it. It takes away my zeal for life itself. I no longer enjoy much of my life because I have more work than anyone I know, yet NO one appreciates it or helps. The kids are brats to me. Their Dad notices nothing. The mom is a nut. I'm so sick of it all & can relate. If they all went away I'd have some peace. I understand how you feel.

I can't believe the responses I am reading here.

This woman is not saying that she is abusing her step children, she is not cruel to them or anything like that! She is just sharing her feelings. It sounds to me that she is doing the right thing by these kids despite of the way she feels about them.

Feelings are not reasonable; you can't put them in a pretty little box with a bow on top. If any one of you tells me that you never had feelings you were ashamed of, feelings you knew were not right, I'll call you a hypocrite.

You should be ashamed of yourself. Instead of being compassionate towards Cary, and respecting her honestly, you act like a bunch of vultures who just saw an easy prey. Shame on you.

I can't stand my step children either! I don't know if it is because I'm really young or what. I'm 20 right now and I got engaged and married when I was 19. Before I got married to my husband, I thought I would be able to except the fact that he has two kids (who are 9 and 11) but now that I'm in this situation, I CAN'T STAND THEM!!! I know it seems really selfish but I feel like they take my husband's attention away from me. I know they don't do it intentionally but it's still annoying! I will be having a conversation with my husband and his daughter will flat out interupt me and start blabbing about stuff and she knows damn well I was talking to him first! And the other day I had not seen him all day and wanted to spend sometime with him but it was his turn to get his kids. He knew that I wanted to spend time with him but he blew me off to play a video game with his daughter. I also don't like the fact that he has to pay $700 a month in child support. It's riduclous because most of the time the mother doesn't even spend it on their kids. She uses it for herself! And I would like to use that money for something that my husband and I want to do! That could be some on a house payment!!!! But instead, his ex wife benfits from it! It pisses me off because she isn't even married to him and she still gets his money! It just drives me crazy! My husband knows exactly how I feel. I've gotten so mad before that I have told him that he has to choose between me and his kids. It hurts him so bad and I don't want to see him hurt like that but I can not help the way I feel. Some people may say "Maybe he isn't the one for you" or "You should have thought about this before you married him". Well, I did think about it before I married him and I didn't think it would bother me. And he is the one for me even though he has two kids that I don't really care for. I love him!! And this is something we will just have to work out. BUT HOW!!!??? How can I work out something like this especially if I don't like them? I have tried to just like them and be around them but I CAN'T!! Everytime they come over I just stay upstairs in the bedroom until they leave. It's not so much the boy as it is the girl. She always interupts me, she acts like she knows more than me, she is always messing up my clean home, she is so sloppy, she throws her trash in my car! Everything the kid does irritates me!! Anyway, I'm wanting some help with sort of the same thing the editor needs help with. How do I fix this problem for my husband and for myself????