I would say if someone specifically asks you about your previous sexual partners, then tell them you're a virgin. If they don't, then don't. I don't really see how a guy can be upset about not disclosing the fact that you're a virgin unless you specifically lied and said you weren't. Who really cares? I agree with Cary that sex is about attraction and connection and not about sexual history.

Like someone above mentioned, a woman's hyman is usually already broken by the time she's in her 20s. It's not that likely that there will be a lot, if any, bleeding. But if it's something that is a concern... get acquainted with a vibrator. It will help you get more comfortable and familiar with your own body and how it works, and take care of the pesky hymen problem.

Like others, I definitely disagree with the advice given to the 24 year old virgin. If the guys she's been with aren't mature enough to handle the fact that she's a virgin, they certainly aren't good enough to be the ones to take her virginity. I lost my virginity when I was 20 and it made all the difference in the world to do it with someone who knew where my head was and could be understanding of it. Since when are openness and honesty in a relationship a bad thing? Come on people...

I am a 34 year old male whom has never a serious relationship or had sex. I am extremely shy and have always had problems when it comes to dating and sex. As I have grown older, I now realize that I have had many relationships with women, but without the sex. Somehow the two became separated along the lines. For men, being a virgin is a stigma.

My few close friends that know I am a virgin try to give advice but they do not understand. They are also unfortunately the type that don't want to be a woman's "first" because of the attachment/stalker aspect that has,can,might, or might not happen.

From what I understand-LOL!...from what I have been told, sex is either: a.) pure lustful physical gratification or b:) a meaningful emotional physical union between lovers.

From my own experience the intense desire to have sex has slowly been toned down to meet with a balance of not just wanting, but also needing a meaningful relationship. It is in this balance where I hide for out of fear- i.e.- the unknown, the mystery, the uncharted waters.

I have had similar problems when finally getting around to sex. I either shy away because I do not know what to do or say- or I tell them and they freak out. My virginity has become the late afternoon shadow, slowly growing with the passing of time blocking out the sunshine to be found within myself- my self esteem and how I view myself- or moreover my sexual self.

I get scared because I don't know what I am doing in a sexual situation. I become frightened that my first sexual performance, which will surely be inept and lacking if my partner is experienced, will somehow define future encounters. I am ready to have sex believe me! Yet at the same time I am inexperienced and do not feel confident.

I think that since you are still young you should take your time and think it through-analyze your desires and your wants and vie them against your needs. There are plenty of people who will do it with you out there. Like someone said earlier there are many males out there that are dying to thrust another drop of virgin blood deep into their shallow mattress/ego- is that what you want? Maybe so. Hopefully not.

I understand the need to tell your partner- the mystery of sex lies deep in not just our mind's fantasy but also somewhere else down in some animalistic, ancient part of our human makeup. Yet it also falls into play with the thinking emotional parts- which is it's own Catch-22. I think you need to decide which part needs sex more.

If it is the animal then find some guy, shut your mouth, and just do it.

But the very fact that you are writing to ask for advice shows me, ( a fellow virgin not by choice), that you might be looking for more than just the sex. Look at it like a math problem, (another part of my life that is lacking in skill), in that you don't just want a quick answer. You want a math-magician. Someone who will not just give you the solution or teach you the method but someone willing to help guide you, let you explore, and as you gain confidence and begin to get a "feeling" :-) for it, will steady the "pen" as you draw the line, and cross over it together to solve the solution to your problem.

Don't let your virginity get in the way of losing it! If some guy freaks out then you don't want him anyway. Let it be known that you are a virgin and make it a prize to be won- not some trinket to be given away! Flaunt it! Cherish it! Soon every knight in the kingdom will be competing for the prize- and I don't mean your virginity- but you!

Watch out for the ego-maniacal virgin hunters. Make 'em wait. When you finally give it to him, even if he has the stamina of a porn star he will look inept compared to you.

Now go and find yourself a gentleman! Your a woman g@ddamnit! Wars have been fought over you! Even the strongest of men fall to their knees for the flesh of whom they desire. Don't give it away! Make someone earn it!

Good luck!

J.

p.s. if you live anywhere near me my phone number is....just kidding :-)

Cary, methinks you may have been had. While the female being a virgin into her early 20's is believable, the allegation that horny young heterosexual men cut and run because she is a virgin is highly implausible. Guys at that stage of life are so happy to be getting laid they could care less if someone is a virgin. Indeed, being the "first" is a badge of honor to some. I know you get thousands of letters and its impossible to verify them, but this one has a huge red flag.