Read other letters about this article
I respectfully disagree with Cary. I was 28 (!) when I lost my virginity after a history of guys I didn't want to sleep with or who didn't want to sleep with me. No religious issues at all -- I just hadn't connected with the right guy. I didn't have to be in love or even in deep like, but I did decide it was important to me, if I'd waited this long, to have him know the deal. I told him (well, about 30 seconds before the event, which perhaps is a good strategy to use to avoid freakouts, since they don't really care at that point) and it was really lovely and fun. Since sex is, after all, a shared experience, I felt that it was important that he knew exactly what we were sharing. I'd hold out for someone you're comfortable enough with to tell. Also, the pain is nonexistent for many women who have already had some kind of sexual activity.