Letters to the Editor
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I understand, but you may change your mind later
I also have disliked women since I was young and have had few female friendships as fulfilling as those with my male friends. On the other hand, I am also a feminist, which is primarily about securing civil rights for myself in this male-dominated society. So, I submit that disliking women and being a feminist can be mutually exclusive.
In my case, I had an unloving father and a fashion-concious mother, who divorced when I was 16. To gain my father's approval was the unrequited task of my youth and I dressed plainly, ignored grooming niceties and tried to be as masculine as possible. The jobs I took were also male-dominated, and in the 70's, that was punishing - Anita Hill has nothing on me! I hated being a woman, and couldn't bear to be in female company - they were so frivolous. By the way, my father died without so much as an 'I'm proud of you.'
So, at the age of 50, after decades of working and competing with men, I got tired of the constant and meaningless games they play, and noticed how those games usually become more important than the job. I noticed that women quietly and competently got the job done. I also discovered new studies indicating that matriarchal societies were actually responsible for the birth of western culture, and that women's natural aptitude for leadership became lost to history as women and children became men's property.
I think that a lot of behavior that I hated in women was actually a mixture of learned behavior (what will win a "protector's" attention) and an instinctual way of seeing the world. Not competition, but cooperation, enjoyment of the moment, not constant struggling to get ahead in the future. I could go on, but basically, I began to see that stopping to get a manicure and enjoying beautiful things wasn't such a bad thing.
Now I make colorful, sexy clothes for women and foresee a future when women dominate government again. It did take 40 years for me to get there and I still get impatient with some women. But I generally forgive them their foibles, as I forgive men theirs. Thank the goddess we are different!
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Misogynist, schmisogynist
I don't think you're a misogynist either, and I think Cary gave you a great response to your letter. But one of your questions bothered me, namely, "Why aren't there more women who recognize and want to discuss deep psychological truths instead of nail polish colors or the latest celebrity gossip?" Perhaps the answer might be that there are more women (and men) than you think who do discuss those truths--just not with you. Lest that sound harsh, let me just say that I myself am delighted to discuss lipstick and the awfulness of Paris Hilton; I'm also delighted to discuss the nature of our existence in this world and other philosophical questions. Sometimes I just don't discuss the same things with the same people. I consider my closest friends the ones with whom the sublime AND the ridiculous can be freely mulled over. That kind of relationship takes time to build. So if you're bored by your conversations with certain women (or men), I see that there are two possibilities: (1) your relationship hasn't evolved to the point where you would discuss matters of any depth, or (2) the other person just isn't that deep. If you hang in there a bit, you can figure out which it is. Of course, life is short, so perhaps you don't want to do that much work with everyone you meet, which is understandable. But I, personally, wouldn't share anything of real consequence with you yet. I mean, we hardly know each other, you know?
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This is extremely boring.
Do you trawl the mailbag for the most pathetic, self-absorbed, tedious whine you can find or is this really the best you can do? The mewlings of people who can't decide on what stroller to buy and the like? These are not problems. These are immature, stupid, selfish people crying about nothing. And you're indulging them. Stop.
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Am I a female misogynist?
"Am I a female misogynist?" Yes. "Are you a feminist?" Nay, you're too immature, maybe someday. I'm not sure you want to find interesting and thoughtful women because you may be unsure you measure up to them. I'm living proof you can find bright, interesting and thoughtful women (and men) with little effort. Try getting involved in your community - volunteer for a campaign, run a campaign, run for office, volunteer at the Blood Center or the Botanical Center, start a community garden, plant trees, petition city hall, mentor in an ESL program, be a Big Sister or volunteer with the Girls Scouts, join your neighbor association, join the local film society or cycle club or travel far and wide. The world is full of wonder women who will challenge your mind and brighten your day. I've met my dearest friends on the bus going to an ERA March, volunteering at Planned Parenthood, working in campaigns for progressive candidates, walking my dog, working in public gardens as a Master Gardener and in the Scottish Heritage Society. Although a few of us work for major corporations, most of my friends work in the public sector - teaching, organizing, lobbying. Now get off your butt and do something to make yourself interesting to those wonderful women. You might have a change in heart.
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I am a man, and I really don't like women
I'm 43. Although there are exceptions to every generalization, I have come to believe that:
Women are less creative than men
Women are less spiritual than men
Women are less principled than men
Women are less honest than men
Women are more materialistic than men
Women cannot work together in teams
Women are much more concerned with pure power than men are
Women are not especially empathetic
Women are not loyal -- they will betray and hurt one another without a second thought
And women will lie, both to themselves and to everyone else, about these issues.
Give me a straight-ahead fistfight any day of the week rather than the manipulative, dishonest, female backstabbing that is the alternative. At its core, "The Fight Club" had a real code of integrity. So did "Legends of the Fall". The same cannot be said for "Pride and Prejudice" or, indeed, "Sex and The City."