Letters to the Editor

Letters posted here are associated with the following article:
Being a woman, and a feminist, I really ought to like women better than I do.
The letters thread is now closed.
  • Actually...

    "Those of you who dislike women need to seriously take a good hard look at yourselves and get some help. You are damaged, and, as such, probably damaging to those around you. I'll bet you don't think your prejudices affect how you treat other women. You would be wrong. I just left a "dream job" because my boss was one of you. Any idea I had was met with complete scorn, where the same idea presented by a man was "brilliant." The examples are endless and my experience as a woman working for her was not unique. Her blatant selective antagonism was obvious to everyone (and yes, men) but her."

    Actually, you're wrong. The workplace is not a place to carry on the kinds of discussions and activities relating to the women we've been touching on. If someone started painting their nails or discussing the latest Days of Our Lives episode on the phone at work, I wouldn't get irked because she's a woman, I'd get irked because it's unprofessional and it's annoying. In fact, the person who used to occupy my position is now gone because of having done just that. I would hope that a man who tries to watch the ballgame on his blackberry and smoke a stogie in his cublicle would be fired just as quickly. Work is also a time to drop your personal issues at the door and take on a professional attitude, which means not treating someone poorly just because they're a woman, and someone else better because they're a man, despite how you feel about both. Everyone has issues they have to control when they go to work each day, because everyone has an issue about something. The trick is learning to not let it interfere with what you have to do in business. It's like religion or politics - you can think however you want in your personal life, but better not to bring it up or involve yourself with it at work.

    Furthermore most of the people I've seen replying here have gone on to admit that they don't much care for people in general, period, and have discovered through their own reasoning that most people are apt to doing the same unlikable things as anyone else is, regardless of whether they are male or female, however I'm sure most of them are able to live perfectly functional lives in the workplace and at home despite their stances. There is no written law anywhere that says you have to like a certain person or anybody for that matter, and dislike of something is a far cry from hating it, nor does it classify you as having damage issues. Just because I tend to dislike most women I meet doesn't mean I hate them. I don't care, and I'm willing to bet that would be a common sentiment among other people here.

  • Buying into absolutism

    Before I rant, I have to give kudos to those who posted before me and stated that being a feminist doesn't automatically incur the obligation to like all women. Being a critically thinking being means seeing individuals, not stereotypes. Critical thinking means you don't have to toe any party line. A truly diverse society will admit that not every member of an oppressed minority group (and yes, I'm a member of more than one)is a noble, flawless being. Working for human equality in part means allowing people to be seen for who they are, not who we THINK they are. And sometimes reality ain't pretty. But I'd rather live in a complex world, a world where there are jerks and failures to highlight the achievements of the kind and successful, than a world where all the members of Group A are uniformly good and all of Group B unredeemably evil. The author shouldn't feel bad for liking who she likes and disliking who she dislikes. That's being human.

    And now the rant: What she SHOULD feel bad about is her superiority complex, and for assuming that manicures and babies are all these women ever talk about, not to mention the idea that these subjects are inferior to deep philosophical musings. The women I am friends with are a beautiful, complex mix: the doting mother whose entire life is her daughter, but who can still talk about politics and other adult topics, and who is determined to bring her daughter up appreciating both Little Women and Star Trek; the career woman who wants no children but is a caring aunt and loves to knit to relax; the deeply religious Christian who has 3 children and works for liberal social causes...I could go on and on. Then there's me: a bisexual Jewish woman married to an agnostic man, and who loves science fiction, world politics, and interior decorating. Does the fact that I get occasional manicures, wear skirts, and want to have a child make me inferior to a childless intellectual who won't buy into patriarchal social mores? Hell No! Doesn't make me superior either. It makes me ME. So don't invite me to dinner. That's ok with me. But don't judge me on the small piece of me you see in our limited interaction. You're only limiting yourself.

  • Workplace

    I agree that we can't like all women based on their gender any more than we can like men based on theirs. I would like to clarify a couple of things with Emily Ruth:

    I voluntarily left my job, with nothing else lined up, because my boss was a misogynist who literally gave me nightmares. I don't even wear nailpolish, nor do I condone its application in the workplace. So we agree on that much.

    Sadly, we do not leave our issues at home. That's why a large segment of the publishing industry is devoted to office politics and how to deal with abusive bosses. But maybe if one thinks one is better than most women, one could imagine themselves above such tendencies. I guess my contention here is that you probably hurt women without realizing it. I would love to be wrong about this.

    The female misogyny issue reminds me that racial minorities are most often the victims of racial violence. Our attitudes do affect other people, and that is my main point here. I admire that you are honest enough to admit your dislike of women. My guess is that there are many male and female misogynists who wouldn't admit it even to themselves.