Letters to the Editor
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A Better Way?
Miss Misogynist may be selling herself short. Might I recommend misanthropy instead?
Start with Florence King, who would be a fine misogynist if she didn't have it in for the men as well. With Charity Toward None: A Fond Look at Misanthropy is the way to begin.
Good luck!
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Common as cake
While this particular woman seems quite the uptight, how many times have we heard women say they enjoy the company of men more than they do women - and why not? Women are under great pressure - either they are the Triasters - humorless (and manless) feminazis looking for a victim under every cock - er rock - or they're the Paris Hiltons - slutty little ho's who have less brain then waistline. Men - or so we're told all time by the Triasters AND the Hiltons, are simple creatures - give us a remote control and a nice set of tits and we're set for life. We like sports and cars and blowing things up - and you can sometimes dress us up and hang onto our arm when we go out to eat. Nothing deep about men - that's for sure, so what's not to like... I kind of pity today's female - not knowing for sure what she wants: does she want a strong man? Does she want a door held for her? Does she want the picket fence and the law degree? Does she want to raise her kids or pay someone to do so? Does she want a man or a wife or everything or none of the above? Yes and no and maybe...
Hey, a woman needs a man like a fish needs...
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Academia will do that to a girl
Miss Misogynist's "highly academic" and "too philosophical" self might be part of the problem -- the tone of her letter seems to suggest an aloof graduate student dismayed with the state of the world. (And not a little stuck-up. But she's "young," by her own admission -- she'll probably grow out of this.)
I find it difficult to make or maintain friendships with women my age (late 30s, early 40s) because in my community (upscale commuter suburb of major East Coast city) all of the women are stay-at-home moms with small children. I neither have nor want children. And I work from home -- so there's no workplace camaradarie. There's a whole world of activities and concerns -- a separate planet, it seems, with its own priorities and languages and rituals -- from which I'm excluded by choice as well as circumstance. (Why would I go to a Mommy and Me yoga class? A mother's luncheon? etc. -- also, I'm the only one of these women with a day job.)
I miss other adults, but I especially miss just being able to hang out with my girlfriends before they were mommies. And I miss living in an (urban, diverse) community where there were lots of adults who made lots of lifestyle choices -- not just, not exclusively, nuclear families. This isn't a complaint, and I apologize for the whinging tone; Miss Mis. should know that everyone's circumstances evolve and change, and there are some life choices and stages that just make friendship very difficult. It's not because of anyone's character, it's not anyone's "fault," it's not because one of you is more "socially aware" -- just that priorities change, that's all.
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You're not the only one!
Reading Ms. M's letter was like reading my own thoughts! I have long struggled with the fact that I do not particularly like women...or more to the point, I do not particularly like most of the women I have met. I never had a gaggle of girlfriends, and have always prefered the company of men. I had a very feminist mother and was also abandoned by my father at age 14, which very well could be one of the reasons that I seek male company. But I've come to accept the fact that I will never be the sex in the city kinda girl who goes to breakfast every weekend with her gal pals. I can't stand the insipid conversation, shallow observations, and generally trivial discourse about boyfriends, marriage and babies. I do have a very small set of girlfriends but the relationships I've built with them have been cultivated over a long period of time and is based on a mutual, rational outlook on the world not on celebrity gossip. Don't get me wrong, I like to shop too, but it doesn't govern my life!
But deep down I think women have great potential, it's a shame so many of them choose, or are taught to play up to stereotypes and cliches.
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Feminism is political and social, dislike of individuals is personal.
I don't think that there's any real conflict between being a feminist and not particularily liking women personally. Feminism is about political and social equality and as long as one recognizes that women are in every way socially equal to men, that is all that is required to claim a mantel of feminism.
As an adolescent, most of my closest friends were male (despite the fact that I went to an all-girls' school), primarily because interactions with my female friends always seemed to devolve into catty judgements about others behind their backs. It made me wonder what was being said behind my back when I wasn't around. In addition, I became infuriated at the way that the other female students at my highly regarded private school hid their obvious intelligence when it suited them, in order to attract men and get what they wanted.
The feminist in me is in fact enraged at both of these behaviors, knowing as I do that they are primarily produced by an upbringing in a society in which women are felt to be intimidating if they are too open about their intelligence, and in which girls are always supposed to be sugar and spice, even when we have an axe to grind (and thus we tend to be duplicitous and sneaky). It is similarily the feminist in me that is unceasingly annoyed at the nailpolish and gossip set, feeling as I do that engaging in that kind of preoccupation is playing right in to the hands of the male hegemony.
Besides, why is it that when I go anywhere with my female friends (which I have several of at this point in my life) we have to stop so one of them can pee every 10 minutes?!?