Letters to the Editor
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disliking women
This doesn't seem so fiercely pathological. I am female and have fewer close female friends than close male friends, but the female/female friendships I have are of very long duration and strong enough to stand up to difficulties. As a young woman, I was less comfortable with women my own age than with men because, it seemed, the women were far less trustworthy in situations with other women who were not close friends and, when motivated to lie, far better liars. (I have yet to meet a man who could successfully tell a lie and sustain the untruth the way a woman can when she wants to. Women are far better-schooled as illusionists.) In retrospect, I don't think that perception was all that far off the mark. The way women who are tightly bonded behave within the bond, that is, with their close friends to whom they're committed...and the way they behave with women outside that bond...the two can be VERY disparate.
I find I'm more aggrieved, when one of my female friends acts insensitively...which is pretty rare...than when a man does the same. The men I know well can do perfectly infuriating things without taking much note of their actions til the consequences come home, but most of the women I know well are attuned to what they're doing in an ultrafine way, so an I-know-not-what-I-do claim just doesn't work for them!
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Miss Ogynist
I used to think I was one, too. Then I realized that it was a rather harsh identification with them and a self-loathing that caused the problem.
Like you, men were off the radar for me growing up. I was raised by women and interacted with few men. They were kind of mysterious. Women were my aunts, my mother, my sisters, me. Because I understood the ways and mechinations and manipulations, because I was in the know, about just how the women around me "worked" the men in our lives and how little respect we all seemed to have for men...because of these things, I could not respect what we were, what anyone like me stood for.
I wanted the Greco Ideals: Truth, Justice, Charity, etc. And what I saw was catfights, manipulators, etc.
Now that I am grown, I know that all that is embodied in men as well. We are all human and flawed. And suddenly women don't seem so bad anymore. Now I just hate everybody indiscriminately. We all play the same games and we always will as long as there is a scrap of power or property left to fight over. So open your mind and let it go.
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A woman's problem with women
I think the writer's issues are clear in her letter, and have more to do with her family upbringing, and very little to do with the realities of male/female character.
That being said, I must take this opportunity to say that I'm tired of, and puzzled by (and tired of being puzzled by), this notion that women hate each other. As funny as I find Chris Rock and Pam Stone, I'm left cold by their and other-- mostly but not exclusively male-- comics' riffs on my gender's apparent self-loathing.
Maybe I'm a rarity, but I think not. Maybe my MANY female friends and I are exceptions to the typical female American experience, but I think not. Maybe those in my circle are sociological freaks, BUT... we speak of nail polish and national policy with equal fluency, and sometimes in the same conversation. We talk about politics, theology, human rights, animal rights, current events, and ancient history with the same vigor and frequency that we cover how much we (swoon!) adore George Clooney and/or Angelina Jolie (we're an eclectic group). We support each other through personal, professional, and sometimes even pathetic experiences. Some of us are closer to others of us, and these alliances tend to shift and vary depending on where we are in our lives, and we all understand that. True, from time to time, we complain about each other TO each other, as friends/family do, but the essential love, concern, and respect are always there.
My girls and I count on each other. I hope I speak for them all when I say we wouldn't have it any other way.
So, log this letter in the "bullshit" column re: a woman not finding women of substance to befriend. We are "out there." Finding us isn't difficult. For many of us, it's as simple-- and as essential-- as breathing.
Jennifer Park
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So many things to (dis)like
I too dislike women, and originally believed it was only "mainstream" or "girly" women who bothered me (a possibly hypocritical straight and somewhat girly woman -i.e. i wear skirts and makeup). However, I've since developed an equal-opportunity enmity towards the superciliously academic and pretentiously philosophical ones in addition to the tanned Hiltonian belly button piercers and carefully pomaded thriftstore hipsters. Perhaps this should trouble me as a woman, since it seems so key these days to have a gaggle of girlfriends to share one's deepest secrets with. But why conform?
I do dislike plenty of men, but oddly enough, with men I usually feel more equal - while with most women, it often feels like catty one-upness, whether for beauty, brains, accomplishments, or childbearing. It's tiring, and has about as much subtlety as a middle school game of dodgeball. Not once have I felt the need to bond with more women for fear of missing out on something. Is that so wrong? I concur with the earlier comment about men being more mysterious and thus captivating since I've not truly lived in their world.
An important point was touched on in the letter - the grim challenge of trying to find compatible souls of either gender. Indeed, if some of us are choosy, not to mention preferential, will we not keep leaning towards types who we've historically been intrigued by? And if the scales tend to tip towards men, so be it. Perhaps it would help to devise a little apologia for self defense or so it feels like less of a polemic. In the meantime, I'll stick with the guys. If an interesting woman comes along, of course I'll welcome her. Just don't expect me to spend much time trying to find her.