Actually, I don't have another thing; in my opinion, that answer was perfect. I sincerely hope Crazy? takes your advice. Good job, Cary.

The response to this man's letter was so appropriate, so beautifully articulated, that I had to commend Cary on a job very well done.

You give common sense suggestions to this very sad and angry man.

It would be even more helpful to inform him about Neuro Linguistic Programming methods for changing negative, self destructive thought patterns and feelings. Often rather quickly.

I recommend the new book: NLP THE NEW TECHNOLOGY OF ACHIEVEMENTE, by Steve Andreas et. al. Pub. by Nightingale-Conant He can find NLP people via the internet.

I too have strange feelings about my father. Uneasy feelings around physical contact with him combined with other, "simpler" feelings of abandonment and his general distaste for me. Feelings that became even more complicated when I found out last year that he had molested my aunt before I was born.

Suddenly it was easier to believe that he was inappropriate with me in my pre-teen years, easier to believe that my problems with self-acceptance and commitment could be a reaction to abuse by him.

But I have not yet taken your advice. I decided instead to break contact with him, though, curiously, I still let him see my sons on occasion (they are male, I am female - and yes, if he's a pedophile that makes no difference).

Before the revelation of the abuse, I *did* think I was a bit nuts. Since the knowledge of his prior abuse has come to light, I still feel disturbed - unsettled. Just what did happen? Was I in danger? Are my children in danger? The letter and your response are prompting me to find the energy and strength to confront this. I see, quite suddenly, how not dealing with it has been hurting me over the past 18 months.

The vulnerability of childhood can follow us, and haunt.

- Still keeping his secret

I have to say it's possible that mother would not have intervened. Memories of mother coming into the bathroom do not make this an innocent situation. She could have been in denial and wanted to ignore what was going on under her nose... just a thought that this is a possibility....

Cliff