Dear Ann

Sorry to break this to you, but you may, well, be an idiot?

My condolences.

I have a real hard time accepting that getting bilked is somehow divine. If this passive victimization is Chrisianity, then I want no part of it. You don't have to be angry or vindictive or crazed to get what you are owed and deserve from a "shady" businessman. You only have to be persistant and logical. You made many mistakes in this scenario, I've worked years of retail to know, but your biggest mistake was believing that God/god has some kind of lesson for you. Maybe I'm just dim, but what IS the lesson of this story? Be nice to the man screwing you over -- that's what Jesus would do? Whatever.

I think that, at some level, I never will understand Christians. Even Christians as clearly intelligent as Anne Lamott. The constant turning to God for answers that, let's face it, you already know. It makes me nuts.

"This is what Jesus would want." "This is what Jesus always did." "God, the eagle has landed. Now what am I supposed to do?" A woman that I spoke to in a Baptist church once said that she was thinking of going to Israel on a trip, but that she needed "God to send her a sign." Honestly: I just don't get it.

Anne: the Torah says, "Burn the evil from your midst." It also says, "Thou shalt not steal." (Not to mention some words about bearing false witness.) According to the New Testament, Jesus threw the money-changers out of the temple. Seems to me like you didn't need to confer with God, or Jesus, or anyone but your own knowledge of the Bible. The guy stole money, and then he lied to your face. And you bought him flowers, and apologized.

I'm glad Anne's faith brings her strength and is a source of comfort for her, but this doesn't strike me as faith being helpful, but rather faith being an excuse for pretty absurd behavior. I'm just glad that when the chips are down (e.g., Hitler, the Taliban), Christians decide that "turning the other cheek" only takes you so far, and decide that "burning the evil from your midst" is a good idea, after all.

Is it the best thing that you left this business intact, able to swindle again? Even Jesus threw the money changers out of the Temple...

It's nice that you could release your anger at being cheated. That's good for you. But you should prosecute him in small claims court and report him to the Better Business Bureau and your local chamber of commerce. Otherwise he will continue to swindle others. Unfortunately you gave up the bounced check, your best piece of evidence. But I'm sure you can find others who have been wronged. And those who will be cheated are exactly those your church should be helping: poor folks who are looking for bargains.

Think about it. But don't do it for anger's sake or for revenge. Do it because you'd be helping future potential victims.

While you could have taken him to small claims court after he failed to give you the money back, thereby committing a civil infraction, knowingly writing a bad check is criminal. You should have taken the check back there and told him that either he's going to give you the $50 back, or you're going to call the cops and press charges for check fraud.

I am absolutely joy-filled to have you back Anne! I've missed your voice terribly. Thank you (as always) for your beautiful, deep, spiritual, inspiring message. Your words are a ray of light in these dark days.

You tried to get a bargain, at a place you knew was flaky. You expected to get a carpet remnant that should have cost you a few hundred dollars for $50. You chalked all this up to some good luck or perhaps divine intervention. Then when things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, you spent far more than $50 of your time and aggravation chasing your mistake, throwing good money after bad, even getting your friend involved. Then you expect readers to take some sort of moral lesson from this mess???

It's obvious your 'carpet man' was a scumbag. It's obvious he didn't treat you with one ounce of decency or respect. But equally galling to me is your expectation that somehow things would turn out right because you were vulnerable, deserving, or maybe god was on your side. This is not how things work, sweetie. Obviously, the carpet guy didn't care if you were a Sunday School teacher or Jack the Ripper. He had you pegged.

And your platitudes and flowers didn't work either. Here's a platitude for you: don't be nice, be real. Nobody cares how stoic you are, or how you are taking the high road by turning the other cheek. Despite what the bible says, those who do so usually get bloodied. Just be glad it was $50 and chalk it up to experience. Or next time you might get bilked for thousands on that church remodel you're planning.

If he had refunded someone else, he would have had a reciept with a name or signature on it, not a ledger. She should have taken him to small claims court.

She apologized to people who ran the passive aggressive "crazy folk" game on her. That's not grace. That's stupid. He has insufficient funds because he's a bad businessman and an evil mind gamer to boot. No one recommends him for repeat business, I'll bet. Given that he sold a stained carpet to a nursery school and tried to cheat the school, I'm having a hard time seeing him as a victim.

We are supposed to protect the poor and needy, too. How can Christians do that and forgive as well. There are ways, but you won't learn them from this article.

Yep, it is beyond explaining, this whole grace thing. Thanks for the challenge to live my faith this Advent, Anne.